


Falling Slowly

by StringTogether



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, First Time, Happy Ending, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25063825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StringTogether/pseuds/StringTogether
Summary: On the eve of adulthood, Gilbert faces the loss of his father, and he must learn to pick up the peaces before he can follow his dreams.  Disaster hits when Anne tries to help Gilbert in an unexpected way causing both to go down paths of self destruction.
Relationships: Diana Barry/Fred Wright, Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Royal "Roy" Gardner/Anne Shirley
Comments: 53
Kudos: 216





	1. Innocents Lost

Anne awoke suddenly from deep sleep to the sound of a massive thud. It took her a moment to realize what the noise could be. Then she remembered that Gilbert was in the room next to hers. 

Gilbert had been staying at Green Gables since the funeral three days before. After his father's death, Matthew and Marilla offered to let him room at Green Gables until he could sort out his plans. While he was 18 years old, the Cuthbert's felt he needed the comfort of a home to process his father's passing. Both Anne and Gilbert had plans to attend Redmond College in the fall, but due to his father's death, no one was sure of Gilbert's plans.

His normal jovial behavior was gone, and she knew that his father's death was affecting him more than he let on. The sound of his heavy footsteps pacing the room every night told her that he was not sleeping much. He spent the majority of his time in his room, but when he did come out, there were large bags under his eyes. The pain in his eyes made Anne want to reach out and hug him, but that did not fit into the behavior of their budding friendship. Really, up until this last year, one could not call their relationship a friendship. Academic rivals was a more appropriate definition.

The two were at the top of their class, and continually vying for the title of valedictorian. In the end, Anne earned the top of the class and was named valedictorian at graduation two weeks prior. It was a bittersweet victory because she knew that the last few weeks of school were not Gilbert's priority when his father entered hospice care during their final semester. 

Their rivalry had developed into friendship during their final year at Queens Prep Academy when Gilbert had given up the Editor and Chief position of the school newspaper. Anne needed the role include on her transcripts for college. Gilbert's athletic abilities and role as the class president made him a shoo-in for college, but she had little extracurricular activities that made her stand out on her application. It was this small act of kindness that allowed her to see him in a new light. Anne then realized that he could be a good friend to her and that her years of petty behavior was unwarranted. 

Although they were friends, she kept him arm's length, and she was still not sure why. She never allowed physical touch, and when the conversation became too intimate, she would withdraw. For that reason, a comforting hug during his time of loss would seem out of place for their blossoming friendship.

Now he was living her house for the summer, and she was growing fond of spending time with him. Unfortunately, being woke up for the third night in a row, she began to see bags under her own eyes in the morning. 

Anne tossed and turned, trying to get back to sleep, but Gilbert's footsteps kept her awake. She decided that her bladder was the cause of her restlessness and hoped that a trip to the bathroom would help her get back to sleep.

On her way back to her room, she saw the light under Gilbert's door. In her heart, she knew that she should leave him alone to process his father's death. Unfortunately, three nights of interrupted sleep caused her to lose her patients, so before she knew it, she knocked on his door. She intended to tell him that his pacing kept her up, but when he opened the door, the pain in his face caused her to pause. His eyes were bloodshot.

She looked down and realized that he was shirtless and wearing only his trousers. In his right hand was a bottle of whiskey that Anne recognized from their graduation celebration. The alcohol explained the red eyes, but His lack of clothes suddenly made her uncomfortable. The only words she could muster was, "Hi."

"Hey," he replied as he was taking a swig of his drink. He then walked into his room, leaving the door open. Anne took the gesture as permission to enter the room. She looked around the room. Did it always feel this small? She wondered why being alone with a shirtless Gilbert made her so uncomfortable. 

"Did I wake you?" Gilbert said interrupting her thoughts. 

"No," she said quickly, but then realized that he in fact did, and that was why she was here in the first place. "Well, yes, actually."

"I'm sorry I have been having trouble sleeping."

"It's ok. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I heard a thud earlier."

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to cause a ruckus." He replied, handing her the bottle of whiskey.

He did not explain to the source of the noise, so Anne did not press further. She knew she should leave the room. Marilla would be furious if she found out that Anne was in Gilbert's room in the middle of the night drinking, but something about his sad eyes made her feel like she needed to comfort him. She took the bottle and drank. The whiskey burned her throat as it went down. Anne was not much of a drinker, and her friends teased her about being a lightweight.

"So, are you really going to work on a ship this summer?" She croaked. 

He looked surprised by her questions.

"I heard you tell Matthew about it this morning," she added clearing her throat. "I didn't realize you were planning on being gone all summer."

He sighed and sat down on the bed. "Yeah, I need the money to pay for college. We had some savings for school, but his medical bills and funeral cost were so much. . ."

He paused and looked down. 

Anne realized that he was truly on his own. He did not have parents to help pay for school. The thought caused her to realize how difficult this must be for him. She touched his arm, causing him to look up, "It might be nice to see a bit of the world too."

He looked at her with a half-smile and touched her hand on his arm. His touch caused her heart to flutter. It was the first time she had initiated contact, and it felt nice. She pulled her hand away quickly and took another drink for courage. Feeling that the moment was too intimate, she changed the subject. "Are you still going to Redmond in the fall?"

"I don't know, maybe. I need to see how much I can make on the ships."

"I hope you will be there. It will be nice to know at least one person." She replied, handing the bottle back and sitting on the edge of the desk.

"I would have thought you would have dreaded me being there. It wasn't until this last year that you even started talking to me." 

She smiled, "I can be bit hardheaded sometimes."

He laughed, and Anne realized that she had not seen him smile in a long time. It was nice to see him smile. 

Gilbert stood up and took another drink. Anne could not tell if he was drunk, but his footsteps were a bit unsteady. He was quiet for a long time, and just when Anne was about to get up to leave, he said, "I am not sure college is where I want to be right now. I have been thinking a lot about not going at all. Maybe just seeing the world for a bit." 

"What? All you have ever talked about was becoming a doctor." Anne said. 

"Now you sound like Marilla," Gilbert said, annoyed, but still in his typical calm manner. "I just can't think about that right now."

"What do you mean, you have to start thinking about your future." Anne felt bold from the liquor, walked up to him, touched his shoulder lightly, and added, "You can't let this define your future."

"I can't think about my future right now. Not when I have to worry about everything. I am responsible for too much right now." He took another drink from the bottle and looked at her

"I know it is hard, but you will get through it," she replied. "I know how you feel right now, but you will get through this."

His eyes suddenly darkened, causing her to take a step back slightly. She quickly racked her brain, trying to determine the reason for his sudden change in demeanor. 

"You know how I feel? What could you possibly know about it, Anne?" He replied.

"Well, I am an orphan, so I might know a lot about being alone." She replied, crossing her arms. "At least you are lucky enough to have known your parents. I never got that chance." 

"I am lucky?" He spat at her. "I am lucky that I got to watch my father slowly die."

Anne paused, suddenly feeling guilty for comparing his loss to her own. "I'm sorry, I was just saying that you have more opportunity than I did. I was alone as a child, and you can at least care for yourself."

"When did this become about you?" He spat as he turned and put his hand on the door to let her out.

She suddenly did not want to leave. She wanted to stay and explain herself. "Please, Gilbert, that is not what I meant." 

She put herself between him and the door. "I am just saying that your dad wanted to give you every opportunity possible, and I don't think he would have wanted to give up on your dreams of becoming a doctor."

"I don't know what my dreams are anymore." He said, stepping closer to her that she could smell the alcohol on his breath. "All I can think about is how I will never see him again, and I don't think I will ever feel better."

His words broke her heart, and at that moment, she would have done anything to help him feel better. Anne looked into his eyes, and before she knew it, she reached up to his tall frame and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into her embrace. 

Her embrace took him by surprise, but slowly he brought his arms around her waist and held her close. He dropped his head to rest in the crux of her neck, and she could feel him relax against her.

"I know this is hard, Gilbert, but you have us. We are here for you."

Holding him now reminded her that he was not wearing a shirt. More importantly, she was only wearing a nightgown. She suddenly felt that maybe being alone in his room at night was not the best time to help him. 

After a while, he pulled away slightly to look at her. 

Looking into his eyes, she whispered, "What can I do to help?" 

Without a word, He moved a hand from her waist to her cheek. She wasn't sure if it was the whiskey flowing through her bloodstream or his warm hand on her cheek, but she melted into his touch. She closed her eyes and leaned her face into his embrace. 

"What can I do to help you feel better?" She asked quietly, looking at him through her eyelashes. Her words felt charged somehow, but more than anything, she wanted to take away his pain and offer him comfort. 

He studied her for a moment before leaning down and touching his lips hers. While she felt the heat of the moment, she had not expected him to kiss her. The shock of the kiss made her freeze. For a brief moment with his lips touching hers, her brain stopped working. His soft lips moved along hers, and she was lost. She melted into him, allowing his hand to move behind her head to pull her in further.

Then she remembered Gilbert was her friend and nothing more, and they were quite possibly a little drunk. When she started to pull away, he tightened his grip on her waist, and he deepened the kiss with his tongue. When his tongue touched hers, she was lost. Any thoughts of lost friendship, and carefully thought outlines left her brain. She let herself fall into his embrace and moved her hands through his shaggy hair. He let out a small groan, and she could taste the whiskey on his breath.

He leaned into her more, forcing her back against the door. He groaned again as he moved his hands from her waist up to her ribs, pulling her closer. She could feel his whole body pressed against her. He kisses moved from her lips to the sensitive spot below her ear, and all thought of stopping him left her mind. She put her finger into his soft curls as he moved his lips down her neck and nipped her collar bone. When his lips moved to the swell of her breast, she let a small moan. The strap of her nightgown fell off her shoulder, and his lips moved to her bare shoulder. A small part of her brain told her to stop, but all she could think about was the feel of his hands roaming her body and somehow stopping at places that made her squirm. 

Her brain began to clear when his hand traveled over her hip and down to her thigh until it hit the bare skin of her leg. When his hand started traveling up her exposed leg, he pressed his hips against her. She felt his erection press against her thigh, and her body froze. The shock of the new sensation caused her to become conscious of his intentions, and she realized that she let this go too far.

She pushed his hand away and said, "Gilbert, please. Slow down,"

Then she pulled her nightgown strap back onto her shoulder in an attempt to feel covered again. 

"I want you, Anne." He replied, kissing her again but keeping his hands safely on her hips. "I have wanted you for a long time."

She wanted to have a moment to process what all of this meant for their friendship. Unfortunately, all she could think about the feel of his hands on her waist and the tingling sensation where his lips touch her skin. She pulled her lips away from him, breathing heavily. He moved his attention to her neck, causing her to melt into him again. But she could not let this continue, "I don't know if this a good idea. We aren't even dating."

She pulled his head away from her neck to tell him that she should go back to her room, but the word caught in her throat when she looked into his eyes. 

He released his grip on her but kept his body pressed against her. Resting his forehead on hers, he said, "Anne, please. Touching you, being with you, it makes me feel alive. You make me feel better."

With that, she knew that she could not deny him anything. She decided she would do anything to help him through this terrible time, and if that meant giving herself to him, she would.

Looking into his sad eyes and slowly nodded.

Gilbert smile, and grabbed her wrist, pinning them above her head. She let out a small yelp as he pushed her hard against the door. He kissed her hard, with one hand gripping her wrists, the other roamed over her breast. She let out a small yelp as he pushed his body against her and pinned to the door.

Gilbert did not wait for her to change her mind before starting where he left. He ran his free hand down her hip and pulled her leg up so that it hiked over his hip. She let out a moan when his hand ran up the soft skin of her outer thigh and grazed the edge of her panties, with his fingers digging into her hips. Then he slipped his hand beneath the fabric of her panties, and she moaned at the feel of his hands touching the exposed skin of her bottom. He took her response as permission to continue his explorations. Running his fingers along her inner thigh, he slipped one finger inside her panties and finding her folds wet when he slipped a finger inside her, causing a hiss to escape her lips. 

"God, you are so wet," he said. His word stirred a passion in her that made her want to have more, to give him more of her. When he slipped a second finger inside her, her hips began to move with his movements. Then he added, "God, I want to be inside you."

She tried to release her pinned arms from his grip, but he tightened his grip on her wrists.

"Please, Gilbert, let me touch you." She begged, pulling at her wrist.

He smiled and released her arms. She let her hand roam over his chest and down his stomach and around his back. He let out a hiss when she slipped her hand into his trousers and grabbed his butt.

With both his hands free, he hooked his fingers into the elastic of her panties and let them drop the floor. Without skipping a beat, he reached for the buttons of his trousers.

All of a sudden, fear swept over Anne, and she realized hazily that he intended to have sex with her right then and there. 

"Gilbert?" she said as his trousers dropped to the floor.

"Yeah," He replied, releasing his erection from his boxers, and looking up at her.

Suddenly, he reached down and lifted her legs, so they wrapped around his waist. Supporting her weight against the door, he lined himself up at her entrance, rubbing the tip through her folds. 

She moaned, and said, "Gilbert, I've. . . I've never done this before."

He looked at her and replied, "I know. I'll go slow."

She bit her lip as he put his tip inside her. He looked at her again, as if to asked if it was ok. In his eyes, she saw the kindhearted Gilbert she knew. The one she trusted and the kindred spirit who would anything for her. She nodded again, and he slowly entered her. 

She felt a small flash of pain when he entered her fully, but he kissed her gently, stifling the whine that she let out. Soon he pulled out again only to slide back in with more force. After the third and fourth time, the pain was gone, replace with a pressure building inside of her. He warm breath on her neck and his hands slipping beneath her nightgown to caress her breast caused her to moan in pleasure.

"You feel so good," he whispers into her ear as he kissed her neck. 

She then moved her hands into his hair again and pulled his lips to hers. He moved one hand to her knee as he drew her leg higher to his driving himself deeper into her. The change in position caused her body to sing, and she felt as if something was building inside of her, but she could not quite reach it. His started body moving faster, causing more friction in her body that made then both cry out for more. He let out a low grunt, and she knew he was close. 

Then suddenly she felt what her friends had talked about; A wave pleasure ran through her body. The ache that had been building released, and she let out a moan of pleasure. She lost all sense of self and was utterly lost in the pleasure of her orgasm. As if his body had been waiting for her release, he started to lose control of his movements. He let out a moan as his body grew tense, and his hips jerked. He had found his release too.

Just as quickly as it started, it was over. Both were still and breathless leaning into each other for support. In the haze of her orgasm, she felt his finger gently graze the sensitive skin on her thigh, and his soft lips kissed her collar bone. All she could hear of the beating of her heart and their heavy breathing.

He pulled away slightly too look at her. He smiled his crooked smile that always warmed her heart and gently kissed her tenderly. Pulling out, he let her legs drop to the floor. She stumbled a bit when she landed, but Gilbert's steady hand caught her. 

He laughed as she regained her balance.

"You gonna be ok, Carrots?" He asked.

She laughed again, "I think the whiskey has hit my system."

He paused at her word, "You are a bit of a lightweight."

She could see he was starting to retreat into himself again. As if her words had sparked some pain in his heart that she could not understand. The smile was fading from his features. She wasn't sure why the sudden change in his demeanor, but she wanted jovial Gilbert. The Gilbert who could crack a joke about anything. Wasn't that why she did this? To help him get out of his head and feel better.

Then without warning, she realized the price she paid for his comfort. She had given him her virginity, with no regard to the implications. She realized she needed comfort too. She needed him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok.

"What does this mean, Gilbert?"

He turned from her and picked up the whiskey again. "I doesn't mean anything, Anne." The pain is his eye was back, but she also saw guilt. "I am just the asshole who couldn't keep his hands to himself."

His words hit her hard, and she instinctively put her hand on her stomach. Not only had she given him something that she could not get back, but it had also meant absolutely nothing to him. Her need to help him had only caused a small reprieve from the pain. "I don't understand, I thought-,"

"You thought wrong," he replied. "I am not good for you, Anne."

"Then what was this all about?" She said, pointing to the door.

"It was about the release," He replied drink another shot from the bottle. "It was about feeling like an ounce of a human."

She looked down at the ground. Feeling an ache in her stomach and tears pricking at the back of her eyes, she touched his arm one more time to feel connected with him again. He pulled his arm away as if her hand was on fire. "You should go, I need to be alone."

Anne pulled her arms over her chest to cover her body as if he hadn't just been running his hands over it so passionately. When she reached the door, she said quietly, "Goodnight, Gilbert."

He did not respond, so she left the room without another word between them. When she reached her room, she fell into her bed and cried herself to sleep with the realization that she may have made the biggest mistake of her life.


	2. The Breakdown of Friendship

The next morning, Anne woke to the rooster crows. Stretching, she was groggy and sore. Her arms felt stiff, and when she moved, she felt a dull ache in her groin. Then like a wave, the events of the night before came back to her. Touching her lips, she could almost still taste Gilbert's whiskey laced breath. Stroking her hips, she could still feel his hands roaming her skin. Then she thought of him entering her, and the way he made her feel wanted. The overwhelming thoughts of their passion stirred a want in her again. 

Anne had imagined losing her virginity many times before. She would often lay in bed, wondering what it would be like, and how she would feel after. As an avid reader, romance novels had sparked her imagination on the subject. In all her fantasies, she was always in love and would trust her partner completely. The Prince Charming of her daydreams would romance her and make her feel special. He would light candles and seduce with his words. He would slowly make love her in a warm bed, ensuring that he was gentle and kind. Then after he would hold her, and he would make her feel safe and warm in his arms.

Just as suddenly as the wave of pleasure entered her mind, she realized that her first time was nothing like her dreams. Where there should have been romance was only drinking and heated arguments. Where there should have been candles and a warm bed was the smell of liquor and a hard, cold door. Anne understood that novels were not reality. As much as she preferred the "ideal" first time, it was not those losses that caused her heart to ache. The passion and longing she felt when he touched her was overwhelming, and she would have never allowed him to enter her if she did not passionately need to feel him there.

No, the real source of her pain was the moment when it was all over. His casual yet callous dismissal caused her mind to enter the depths of despair. The way he so easily pushed her away from what should have been a beautiful moment shared between them. Anne had been used to her fantasies living only in her imagination. She realized that losing her virginity was not a symbol of love and commitment but was given as a form of callous comfort. The idea caused and an ache in her stomach and fresh tears to her eyes. 

Despite her heartache, she did not want to cry anymore. Anne was a strong, confident woman; she would not wallow in self-pity anymore. With a sense of confidence, she forced herself out of bed and headed to the bathroom, thinking a hot shower would ease her aching muscles. 

When she got there, she took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. She wanted to know if she looked different because she certainly felt changed. In the mirror, she saw a stranger. The girl looking back at her had a red puffy nose. Her eyes, which were usually bright and optimistic, were now hallowed and red. 

Trailing down her body, she found small bruises that wrapped around her wrists. Then looking at her hips, she saw marks on her hips from his strong hands pushing her against the door. The night before, his touch only brought pleasure, but in the cold light of day, they left her bruised. Anne wondered as she turned on the shower, what she could wear in the summer heat to cover her bruised wrists.

The sound of Marilla's voice broke her concentration. "Anne, you better hurry up, or we will be late."

It was Sunday, so they were headed to church.

Then, with newfound horror, she realized that she would have to face Gilbert again today. The idea of seeing him made her feel queasy. What was she to say to him? Part of her wanted to run into his arms and ask him to hold her like he should have the night before, while the other wanted to scream at him for breaking her heart. She wondered what he would say to her when they saw each other next. Would he even want to her now that he had his fill of her? 

Stepping into the shower, she felt the hot water wash over her. The soothing water allowed her mind to relax. It was then that she let the tears fall, and once they started, she could not hold them back anymore. In the shower's safety, she allowed herself to release her emotions, and she cried hard, breaking down into full ugliness. She cried until she could not any longer.

Anne usually felt better after a good cry. Unfortunately, this time she did not. There was still a dull ache inside her that was a constant reminder of her poor decisions.

Anne knew though that she would have to face the world again. It was her last summer before college, and she was going to enjoy every minute of it. She would not let one night's mistake affect her plans. 

She decided then and there that she would say nothing to anyone, not even Diana. There was no need to tarnish either of their reputations. She knew Diana would jump to conclusions about the night's events and think Gilbert had taken advantage of her. In reality, Gilbert sot permission each step of the way, and she granted it willingly. They had no commitment to fall back on, so she had no right to be angry with him for pushing her away. She had willing allowed him to find his release in her, so there was no need to chalk it up to something more.

If he tried to talk to her about it, she would tell him not to worry about it. She felt, despite the intimacy of the night before, they might be able to be friends again.

\------

Gilbert woke to the sound of Marilla tapping on his door. The sun streaming through windows burned his eyes and caused his head to ache. His mouth felt like an ashtray. Looking at the clock, he rolled over and covered his eyes with his arm.

"Gilbert, dear, it's time to get up."

He groaned a response and rolled over. While the Cuthbert's were generous enough to take him in, they also expected him to contribute. There were animals to feed and chores to do, so there was no sleeping in on the Cuthbert farm.

Slowly sitting up, he was nauseous and lightheaded. Looking around the room, he saw the empty bottle of whiskey on his nightstand and realized it must have been the culprit of his massive hangover. Although whiskey was not his usual drink of choice, it was all leftover from his graduation celebration. It fulfilled his need to feel numb for one night. 

Drinking the glass of water from the nightstand, he craved coffee and some aspirin. Gilbert could usually hold his liquor. Therefore, it took by surprise that he felt so terrible. He was not a lightweight, like Anne. 

The thought of Anne made his whole-body freeze. Looking at the door with horror, as his mind relived the previous night events. His hazy memories could not be real. He remembered Anne pressed against the door as she asked him to slow down. He remembered pressuring her to fulfill his needs. He groaned again and laid back on the bed when he thought about her hands, pushing him away.

He ran his finger through his hair as he tried to remember the details of the night before. Could he have possibly raped Anne? His precious Anne. The details were fuzzy and coming back in broken pieces. When he slowed down, he remembered her sweet nod permitting him to enter her. He recalled the precious moment with fond desire. The feel of her around him was the epitome of joy for his broken heart.

He needed her comfort because the day before had been a roller coaster of emotion for him. 

Earlier that day, he had a meeting with his father's estate attorney. He had received news that his father's estate was struggling financially. Gilbert knew there was not much money left over after medical bills and funeral costs, but he thought he would be able to be at least able to pay for one year of school before worrying about financial aid later. Without the money from the estate, he would have to work all summer to pay for school. The news cemented his plans to work on a cargo ship for the summer. 

Then his lawyer brought up taxes and insurance, and he realized that cost of maintaining his childhood home would be more than he could afford if he wanted to go to school. He would need to find a tenant farmer to maintain the land and cover the taxes, or he would have to work the land himself.

Gilbert never wanted to be a farmer, so his lawyer suggested selling the land. With proceeds, he could easily pay for his undergrad and medical school and maybe help him start a life somewhere else. Gilbert could not bring himself to entertain the idea. His parents worked hard to create a life for them in Avonlea, and they buried his mother there. Therefore, selling it would seem like a betrayal to both of them.

Gilbert had worked and reworked the numbers in his head, trying to find a solution to his financial problem, and he could not turn off his brain to sleep. Each option had its advantages and disadvantages, but none of them allowed him the freedom to pursue school in the fall. While his friends were figuring out housing and class schedules, he was trying to figure out how to pay the bills that were mounting up on his desk and making plans to work on a cargo ship for the foreseeable future.

In the past, his father was the voice of reason. John Blythe had the uncanny ability to ease Gilbert's mind and help him make a wise decision. Now with him gone, Gilbert did not know who to turn to when he needed it most. The thought brought the pain of this loss to the surface. Fresh tears filled his eyes as he thought about building a life without the love and support of the best person he ever knew.

In an attempt to calm his mind, Gilbert retrieved his father's favorite poetry book. He thought the warm, comforting words of Tennyson would ease the burden of heart. Unfortunately, the words only reminded him of those precious last few weeks when all Gilbert could do was read to his father, causing a sudden surge frustration and rage to wash over him. In an attempt to release his built-up tension, he threw the book across the room. In the quiet of the house, the impact created a thunderous boom in Green Gables. Gilberts was sure it woke the whole house, and he instantly regretted it. He was not sure he could handle facing Marilla or Matthew, asking if he was ok again. Retrieving the book from the floor, he returned it to his duffle bag, where he found the bottle of whiskey. Before thinking too hard about the potential consequences, he opened the bottle and started drinking.

When Anne appeared at his door looking stunning with her red hair flowing over her shoulders and in her little nightgown clinging tightly to her petite body, his boyhood dreams of making her his entered his mind. His willpower was already becoming murky from the whiskey. He had to actively stop himself from kissing her senseless. Instead, he offered to let her in the room.

Anne had always been reserved around him, but, in brief moments in the last year, he was able to break her shell, and see glimpses of the real Anne. In the end, she would never let those moments last and would pull away, leaving him wanting more. He did not want her to pull away this time, so he thought he would break the barriers between them. He knew she was a lightweight. At parties, it would not take long for her to start making silly jokes and dancing to the wind. Therefore, he decided to give her some whiskey in hopes of inhibiting her resistance to him. 

In hindsight, it was the dumbest thing he could have done. His already cloudy mind thought Anne would open up to him and share a real conversation. He never intended to get her drunk so that he could have sex with her for his own pleasure. But, when she held him, she was so warm and comforting, and she was saying exactly what Gilbert needed to hear. Kissing her made him feel alive, and he longed to explore more of her. He let down his inhibitions and took what he needed to feel better. 

When it was all over, he realized what he had done. He could already see the bruises forming on Anne's wrists, and her body stumbling from the whiskey. A wave of fear and guilt washed over him like a flood. He had done the worst possible thing to the person for whom he cared deeply for a long time. He was an asshole, and he could not face her anymore. He sent her away before he could do any more harm to her. 

Sitting on his bed, with morning sun hitting his back, he held his head in his hands. Gilbert heard the shower start in the room next to his. 

He wondered if he would be able to face Marilla and Matthew that day. They were so kind-hearted letting him stay there, and he repaid that kindness by practically raping their daughter. Even worse was the thought of facing Anne again. Her sad eyes the night before, were hardly enough for him to handle. The idea of facing those demons made him want to crawl back in bed and sleep out his hangover. 

He changed his mind when he heard crying in the bathroom. The walls were thin in Green Gables, and he could overhear her small wails from his room. His heart broke when he realized that he was the reason for Anne's crying. The sounds were too much for him, and he left his room. He could face Matthew's quiet instructions if it meant that he did not have to hear Anne's regret.

\-----

When Gilbert came in for breakfast, he found Marilla setting the table.

"Anne," she called up the stairs. "Please set the table for breakfast."

"Can I help with something?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh no, dear, please sit down, and have a cup of coffee. Anne always takes her time on Sundays." She said, tapping his shoulder. 

Her motherly gesture made him feel sick. He did not deserve her kindness.

When he sat down, he heard Anne's footsteps coming down the stairs. He intended to keep his eyes downcast, but he could not help looking at her. As usual, she was stunning with her long red hair cascading over her shoulders. He loved her hair. For a brief moment, he thought maybe he could make things right with Anne, and perhaps she could forgive him. He tried to make eye contact with her, but she kept her eyes downcast. 

"Anne dear, why are you wearing a long sleeve, it's already sweltering out there?" Marilla asked, causing Gilbert to look at her clothes. She was wearing a long sleeve sweater with a slim skirt, Gilbert thought it flattered her petite frame perfectly, but then he realized why she had chosen the longs sleeve. Anne was hiding the bruises on her arms from when he held her again the door. Even in her pain, she protected him from the Cuthbert's wrath for harming their beloved Anne.

"I thought it looked nice," she replied quietly. Even her voice stirred a combination of want and guilt in him. He wanted to hold her and make her feel better, but he knew that he could not give her what she needed, not when he could not figure out what he wanted.

"Suit yourself, but don't complain to me when you are dying of heat," Marilla replied with a playful imitation of Anne's flair for the dramatic. "Please set the table, Matthew will be in in a moment."

Anne walked over to the cabinet to retrieve the dishes, keeping her eyes downcast as if she were avoiding his gaze. Gilbert thought they could both just forget about the night before and try to be friends again. 

Unfortunately, when she lifted her arms for the plates, her bare stomach was exposed. There Gilbert could see the marks on her sides from his strong hands. Had he been that forceful? Guilt washed over him, and he realized the full impact of his actions the night before. 

He was a monster. He could not be Anne's friend when he could so easily take advantage of her. 

"Anne!" Marilla exclaimed, pulling both Anne and Gilbert out of their thoughts, making them jump.  
"What happened to your hips? You look like you took a beating."

Anne's eyes fluttered to Gilbert. Her look of terror only increased his guilt, and she quickly lowered her shirt to hide the marks. 

"It's nothing," she replied quietly. "I just hurt myself last night."

"You need to be more careful, dear," Marilla replied, finishing breakfast.

Gilbert's pain and guilt overwhelmed him. The pain of his father's death loomed over all parts of his life in Avonlea causing painful reminders of his loss. Green Gables used to be a safe place for him. It was a place for him to heal and find hope in the future. Now, he could not bear to be there anymore because he what he had done to Anne. He could not stay there any longer. He had hurt Anne too much and taken advantage of the kindness of Matthew and Marilla. He decided it was time for him to start figuring out his own life and leave Anne to make a better life with someone who deserved her.

When Matthew arrived, he broke the news to the family.

"I wanted to say thank you for the kindness you have shown me," Gilbert started. "I received an email this morning saying I was approved for a cargo ship leaving this evening in Charlottetown. I think it’s time for me leave Green Gables."

Anne looked at him with shock, "You are going to leave just like that? With no warning."

Her words were harsh, and there was a flare of anger in them. 

"Anne," Marilla scolded. "There is no need to be rude. Gilbert needs to find his way in the world."

He made eye contact with her for the first time that morning. "I just can't handle being here, right now. There is nothing left for me here."

Anne cast her eye down again. He looked at her for some sign that she understood that he needed time to process his life. He knew they needed to talk about what happened, but he could not face that conversation. Her pain, combined with his father's passing, was all too much for him to handle. He needed time to forget the pain and the loss that entered his life so abruptly.

Anne did not look at him again for the rest of the meal. He wanted to tell her that she was wonderful, and her tender touch provided the comfort he needed, but he could not bring himself to saying anything to her. She excused herself, saying she was not feeling well. When it came time for him to leave, she did not come out of her room. 

Gilbert left Green Gables that afternoon, relieved that he would not have to face his demons, at least a little while.


	3. A Charming Distraction

The walk from Blackmore Hall to the library was Anne's favorite part of Redmond University. Especially in early mornings when the campus was quiet. She could think while drinking her morning coffee and admire the long rows of tree lined sidewalks and open fields of grass. On an average day, the beautiful trees would remind her of her Green Gables days in Lovers Lane and the Dryad Bubble. The memories would warm her heart as she remembered that trees would evoke imagination and fun no matter where she went. On this day in early December, Anne's heart was unsettled, though, and even the trees full of autumn colors and leaves falling like snow around her could not ease her mind. 

Anne had settled into her routine at Redmond. She was doing well in her classes and was able to pick up a part-time job waiting at a local bar and grill. She had made new friends thanks to her roommate, Phillipa, who was a social butterfly. Because of Phillipa, Anne was invited to parties and hangouts. She had even been asked on a few dates but had never accepted any of them.

Mornings were a time for Anne to focus on her schoolwork. Phillipa was not a morning person and would complain if Anne were too noisy in the morning. Therefore, she sot the sanctuary of the library, which was usually quiet in the mornings as most of the students were still sleeping. 

Anne had intended to use this time to study for her finals the following week, but on this day, in particular, she could not focus on her schoolwork. The night before, she had run into Charlie Sloane. While they were both attending Redmond, they had seen little of each other since school had started. In fact, Anne had seen little of any of her Avonlea friends lately. Anytime she saw one of her old friends, she felt the dull ache in her stomach that was a constant reminder of her the boy who broke her heart.

Anne's heart repeatedly broke last summer when she had to explain to each of their friends that Gilbert left and that she was not sure when he would be back. When September came, Redmond had become a refuge for her because no one knew her history, and more importantly, no one knew Gilbert. It was the first place she could feel like she was free of Gilbert and could move on with her life, but there was not a day that he did not enter her mind. She could never absolutely remove his presence from her life.

Over Thanksgiving break, she faced that pain all over again when people in Avonlea would ask if she had heard from Gilbert as if she was the first person he would reach out to from abroad. It was Diana, in her quiet wisdom, that first realized that something tragic had happened between Anne and Gilbert. She took her aside on the night before Anne returned to Redmond and asked her point-blank what had happened. 

Anne could hold it back no longer and let her broken heart reveal her true feelings. She told Diana every detail, including the bruises that did not fade until July. Diana listened patiently, and much to Anne's surprise was not angry with Gilbert or Anne for their lack of judgment. She only pointed out that Gilbert had been smitten with her long before his father's illness. A small part of Anne knew that Gilbert's feelings were more than platonic, and maybe that was why she had kept her distance from him. She knew when she offered him comfort that he would want more than friendship from her, and she allowed them to step over the invisible line of friendship into something more. 

When Diana asked if she had feelings for Gilbert, she hesitated, because she genuinely did not know if she had romantic feelings for Gilbert. All she knew was their encounter left her feeling hurt and confused. Anne both longed for him and hated him and could never reconcile her feelings on the matter. The only thing she knew was their friendship was lost in one night, and she could not think of him without thinking of the pain he caused when he left. 

Talking to Diana was a small release for Anne when she returned to Redmond. Anne thought about Gilbert less and less during the day. Although she could not keep him out of the subconscious, she would dream about him almost every night and always wake up feeling confused and angry with herself for letting him take more of her. Somedays, she would wallow in despair or bury herself in her schoolwork just to think about something or someone else. The library was a haven for her when her heart needed cleansing. Today, Anne's heart needed cleansing.

A typical run-in with Charlie Sloane would not have affected her that much, but it was the content of their conversation that caused her mind to reel. As one of Gilbert's best friend, Anne assumed that he would come up in conversation. The moment she saw him across the room, she put her happy face and again prepared herself for the question of if she had heard from Gilbert. Charlie did not ask that question because he knew the answer already. She ran his words over and over in her head.

_"I can't believe Gilbert's is going to be back for Christmas. It will be good to have him at school for the spring semester."_

She did not hear the rest of his comment because all she could hear was her heart pounding in her ears. She excused herself quickly and returned home. She pretended to be asleep with Phillipa returned because she was not sure she could have a rational conversation.

Now sitting in the quiet of the library, she could not focus on her schoolwork. She would have to face Gilbert again, and the thought terrified her. She went over scenario after scenario. She saw herself yelling at him. She saw herself hugging him, and she saw herself hugging him and then yelling at him. The thought that terrified her the most was what he would think when he saw her. She did not know where they stood, and if he still had feelings for her. Had her lack of experience pushed him away? Did she do something wrong? Was she bad at sex? Would he still think she was wonderful?

Looking at her watch, she realized that she had stayed in the library too long and needed to get her final study group before their final test next week. She cursed herself for wasting a perfectly quiet morning fretting over what-ifs. 

Stepping out of the library, she cursed herself again for forgetting her umbrella. The forecast called for rain, and the sky had turned grey as the morning progressed. She put on her hat and tucked her long hair into her jacket. As she headed through the quad, she felt a few raindrops hit her face, so she picked up her pace. Then as if the sky knew how her heart felt, it dropped rain over the campus like a flood. As a refuge from the storm, Anne raced into the gazebo at the center of the quad. 

Out of breath, she stood on the edge of the gazebo and watched the rain. It was peaceful, watching the rainfall. She allowed the peace of the moment to calm her nerves. 

"It's crazy out there," said a man's voice that caused her jump.

She turned and saw a tall and very handsome young man with dark hair and dark melancholy eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said. "I was just trying to get out of the rain, and I saw you come in here too."

His voice was melting and musical. Anne's heart was pounding, and she told herself that is was from the shock. 

"It's ok, I did not realize there was someone else here," she replied. "I won't bother you; I was just trying to make it to the journalism building, without getting soaking wet. This seemed like a safe place wait out the storm, but I'll leave in a minute."

"Oh, you're not bothering me," he replied, stepping closer. "Feel free to wait as longs you like."

He smiled a brilliant smile that caused her flush. Turning from him to hide her reddening cheeks, she removed her hat and pulled her hair out of her jacket. She was trying not to look at the unfortunately attractive young man in front of her.

"Wait, you're Anne, right?" he said quickly. "Phillipa Gordon's roommate?"

"Yes, Phillipa is my roommate." She replied and looked him over again. "Have we met before?"

She was sure she had never seen him before; she would have remembered his handsome face. 

"Only from afar. The Gordon's and my family go way back. I've known Phillipa for years." He replied with a heart-melting smile. "She pointed you out a party a few weeks ago, but I don't think we had the pleasure of actually meeting."

"I'm sorry you have me at a bit of a disadvantage. What did you say your name was?"

"Oh, sorry, I guess I should have introduced myself," he laughed, putting his hand out for a handshake. "I'm Roy, Roy Gardner."

"Anne Shirley-Cuthbert," she replied, shaking his hand. His fingers were warm and soft, and they lingered on her hand a moment longer than necessary. She smiled shyly. 

"So, tell me, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, are you enjoying your time here at Redmond?" He asked as he led her to sit next to him on the bench in the gazebo, looking down at her admiringly. "Phil tells me you are from Prince Edward Island. Do you miss the Island life?"

The rain continued for almost an hour, and never once did their conversation die out. Talking to Roy was easy. He was charming and endearing and made her feel comfortable. When the rain let up, he walked her to the journalism building. Along the way, he made her laugh and commented that her laugh was his favorite sound.

Anne willingly gave him her phone number, and he promised he would contact her soon. Then he gently kissed her hand and walked away. As Anne walked into the building, her cheeks flushed, and she could feel butterflies in her stomach. 

Her phone buzzed in her bag, and there she found a text from Roy.

New Message: RG I have never been more thankful for the rain. 

She smiled and felt her heart pounding in her fingertips. For the first since June, Gilbert Blythe did not haunt her thoughts and dreams. 


	4. Finally Home

Gilbert found himself in a red room. While it was a small studio apartment, it felt like a home. Everything from the elegant area rug in the living room to the elaborate wall art made it clear that someone cared deeply for this apartment. 

The morning light coming through red curtains in windows cast a red glow around the room, making the white walls look like the morning sun. Gilbert lay in a small bed looking up a ceiling wondering how he found himself in this red room in Key West, Florida.

Since leaving Avonlea, he had felt numb. He wanted to feel happy or sad or angry but couldn’t. He felt like a shell, with nothing to offer anyone. Working on the ship allowed him to experience the world’s riches, but the only time he had felt anything was with Anne in the small room in Green Gables. He had spent the last six months trying to find the peace he felt when he was with Anne’s arms. He tried alcohol and recreational drugs, anything that would offer an escape from his thoughts. 

His ship made several port calls, and Gilbert found himself seeking out women that might help him find some kind of emotion. Unfortunately, each experience only offered a brief moment of calm when his mind traveled to Anne. The night before was no exception. 

He knew why he was here. A beautiful girl in a bar invited him home. Any young man would have taken her up on her offer. Her beauty would outmatch any girls at Queen, and she was funny. Looking at her now, though, his heart ached. Her long blonde hair almost looked red as the light rays filter through the curtains. For a split second, his mind went back to Avonlea, with the sweet, innocent girl that he destroyed in one night. He couldn’t look at her anymore. 

The girl stirred in her sleep as the light hit her eyes. Before she could wake fully, Gilbert quickly left. He had suffered through the awkward morning after conversation, and he didn’t want to face it again this morning. As he walked through the front door, he saw her sit up.

He felt a twinge of guilty when he heard her call out, “William?”

William was the name on the fake I.D. he scored from a shipmate. She was tending bar by the port, and Gilbert’s fake I.D. was weak at best. She knew he was underage, but he turned on his “Gilbert charm,” and she served him anyway. Throughout the night, the two exchanged quick-witted banter. Soon they developed a playful conversation, and sometime after the free drinks and a game of darts, she took him home. The night was easy and fun, and it almost made him feel something. 

As he stepped out on the street, the morning sun burned his eyes. Walking through the streets of Key West, he tried not to think that the poor girl didn’t even know his real name. If he was honest with himself, he could not remember her name either. 

It didn’t really matter though; she was just another girl on his list of lovers who were not Anne.

Making his way onto his ship, he knew he would never see the girl from the bar again, but something she said the night before nagged at his heart. As he lay on his bed, he thought about their conversation.

_“How does a young Canadian guy end up on a cargo ship in Key West?” She asked._

_He looked at her, confused, “How do you do you know I’m Canadian?”_

_“I was suspicious when you asked me to turn on the Maple Leaf’s game,” she replied, “but my suspicions were confirmed when you just said ‘surry’.”_

_“I don’t say ‘surry’! That is such a cliché.” Gilbert replied defensively._

_She laughed, “You do, and you are so polite too, which is classic Canadian.”_

_Gilbert shook his head, “I’m sorry, but you know most Canadians hate when American stereotype them like that.”_

_“You just said, ‘surry’!” the girl laughed. “It’s only funny because it true. You’re a Canadian, and you could use some practice in darts. You were too easy to beat.”_

_He sighed and laughed with her._

_“Seriously, how did a sweet guy like you end up on those ships. You are not like most those guys. I have seen a lot of them come through the bar, and you don’t seem to fit the profile.”_

_“I’m not that sweet,” he replied, thinking about all the mistakes he had made in the past several months. “You really shouldn’t be talking to me. I’m not a good guy.”_

_“I’ve never been one to like the good guys, they’re not as interesting,” she smiled at him. “ Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”_

_While she seemed like a nice enough person, he wasn’t sure he wanted to share his problems with a stranger he met in a bar, so he decided to give her the most straightforward answer._

_“I’m on this ship because I don’t have another choice. It was the only option for me, and now I am stuck.”_

_He sighed and finished his beer._

_“In my experience, things are never that black and white,” she replied as he poured him another beer. “There is always another option, even if we can’t see it now.”_

Gilbert pondered her word as he lay in bed. He wondered if there was another option he could not see. 

_____

Later that day, Gilbert was eating in the dining hall, when his roommate, Bash, called his name.

“Blythe, you got a letter from Canada,” he said, handing him the envelope.

He looked at the return address. It was from the Prince Edward Island Assessor’s Office. 

“Where did you sleep last night?” Bash teased as he sat down next to his friend. “Because you definitely did come back to our room last night.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes and ignored his friend. He was more concerned about the letter. As he read through the contents, he realized his problems just got worse. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“What’s wrong?” Bash asked as he looked over Gilbert’s shoulder at the letter.

“Apparently, my dad was taking advantage of a tax benefit for agriculture, and since my land is no longer actively farmed, I am at risk of being assessed a fine.”

“How much?” Bash asked.

“More than I can afford in a year,” Gilbert replied, handing Bash the letter. 

Bash read it over, and said, “Your dad left you 150 acres!”

Gilbert nodded in reply. 

He was trying to figure out a way to come up with the money.

“I mean, you said he left you property, but 150 acres! Gilbert, do you know what you could do with that much land?”

“I told you, I don’t want to farm!” replied Gilbert, frustrated. “I swear this is just becoming too complicated. Maybe I should just sell the land and be done with it.”

Bash shook his head at his friend’s stubborn behavior and reread the letter.

“This is a continuance notice. It looks like you just need to prove that you earned an income from the land. What did your dad do before he died?” Bash asked.

“He had an apple orchard and raised some animals too. Nothing interesting,” Gilbert replied, pulling out his phone to call his lawyer.

“What are you doing?” Bash asked.

“I need to ask my lawyer about this. I mean seriously, why did anyone tell me about this.”

Gilbert was frustrated, and again he felt trapped. “I’m going to see if he can get the property on the market before I face a fine.”

Bash grabbed the phone from his hand, “Wait before you make any rash decisions, think about this!”

“I don’t want to think about this anymore,” Gilbert replied. He knew his dad meant the land to be a blessing, but at this point, it was causing more problems for him than he could process. “It seems like my only options are farming or selling the land.”

“There is always another option.” Bash said, calmly.

That was the second time he heard those words in the last 24 hours. He took a moment to think it over, and the said, “Okay, enlighten me, then. From where I stand, I don’t see any other option.”

Bash paused and reread the letter. 

“It seems to me that you only need to prove you are earning an income from the land. This says nothing about working it yourself,” Bash replied.

“How does that help me? There is no one there to work the land. It’s just sitting there. I don’t know anyone who would want to spend their life farming. Everyone I know is either in college or moving away from Avonlea.”

“I’ll work it!” Bash said.

“Bash,” Gilbert sighed. “You don’t want to be a farmer. Its hard work and there is not a lot of money from it. You would make much more working on the ships.”

“I don’t think that true. I have been reading about sustainable farming plans. There are farmers all around the world using permaculture techniques and making pretty good money.”

“What? I have never once heard you talk about farming.”

“You never asked,“ Bash said. “You never told me that your dad left you so much land,”

If Gilbert were honest with himself, he would have realized that he did not tell Bash much about his life before the ship. He shared the bare minimum with his new friend and left out the gory details. He did not want to talk about the time before his world came tumbling down. Gilbert was so wrapped up in his own problems. He never thought to ask Bash about why he was on the ship. The thought made him feel like a terrible friend. 

“I have been trying to save my money to buy land, and I have been researching farming techniques online for a while,” Bash added. “Seriously, man, I think we can help each other out here.”

Gilbert thought about it. 

In the few months he had known Bash, he had become a true friend. Bash had shared his life with Gilbert when they landed in Trinidad. The two had even developed a camaraderie in their role on the ship. Gilbert had saved enough money to pay for Redmond in the spring. If Bash worked the land, he wouldn’t have to worry about the fine or selling his father’s home. He still felt that Bash did not understand how hard farming can be. Gilbert watched his father struggle with the land for years, and he did not want to put his friend through that.

“Canada is not like Trinidad, Bash. The winters are long and hard. Are you sure you want to give up the steady pay here on the ship for the possibility of disease affecting your entire flock or an extra dry summer destroying the fall crop? It’s a lot harder than you think.”

“I get that, but for some reason, I am drawn to it,” Bash replied. “I would rather be spending my time on something I believe in than making a steady paycheck.” When Gilbert gave him a quizzical look, so he added, “What would you lose if we try? The worst-case scenario, you get a good year of school under your belt, and I learn a valuable lesson about my life’s dreams.”

Gilbert thought it over for a minute and then said, “Alright, how do we do this?”

Bash smacked his hands in excitement and said, “Well, our next stop is in New York. What if we hitch a ride to Charlottetown?”

The two spent the next few hours working out their plans, and for the first time since June, Gilbert did not feel lost. The plan included the possibility of pursuing his education at Redmond. The thought thrilled him, but there was a small thought in the back of his mind. 

He would have to face Anne again. 

He took comfort in the thought Redmond was a big school, he could let her live her life there, and maybe build his own without her. Perhaps he could move on, and she would not haunt his thoughts anymore.

In truth, she came to his mind each night as he lay in bed. He would rerun his last night with her. Every night he would see her small figure reaching out to him, asking him to comfort her. Then he saw the pain in her eyes when he asked her to leave. She deserved to be free of him.

If he went back to Avonlea, he would have to see her again and face the consequences of his action. 

Anne would have told their friends, and that thought brought him comfort. Then they would see him as the real asshole he was. They would know he was not the golden boy they had chalked him up to be. He would not have to live up to anyone else’s expectations. He could just be Gilbert, whoever that was.

____

Gilbert and Bash walked through the Charlottetown airport. The airport was busy with holiday travelers. There were several college students on their flight heading home for winter break. He wondered if he would see any of his old friends on their travels home.

The two men were collecting their bags when Gilbert heard his name called through the crowd. He looked around, but the masses made it difficult. He wasn’t expecting anyone to meet him in town. He had called the Sloane’s to ask them to open his house for them to air out the house before their arrival. When Mr. Sloane offered to pick them up from the airport, Gilbert decline, he figured they could find their way home. 

When he heard his name again, he turned to find Fred Wright looking at him, confused. 

“Gilbert Blythe, what are you doing here?” Fred said, embracing his old friend. “I thought you were living the high life on some cargo ship somewhere in the Caribbean.”

“I was, but I am not anymore,” Gilbert replied. “It’s a long story, but I’m taking my friend, Bash, to my house. He’s going to take over the farm, while I am in school.”

“Oh, okay,” Fred said, turning to Bash and shook his hand. “I’m Fred Wright. Nice to meet you.”

“Sabastian LeCroix,” Bash replied. “It a pleasure to meet you, too.”

“What are you doing here?” Gilbert asked Fred. “Are you headed somewhere for Christmas?”

“Naw. I was just dropping Diana off. She’s visiting Anne in Kingsport, and then she and her family are spending Christmas in Banff,” Fred replied.

He looked at their bags, and added, “Do you guys need a ride? I’m headed back to Avonlea now if you want to hitch a ride.”

Gilbert looked at Bash, who shrugged his shoulders.

“If you don’t mind,” Gilbert replied. “We were just planning on taking an Uber or something.”

“Nonsense, man. Save your money,” Fred replied, pick up Bash’s bag. 

“Your house practically on the way home.”

Gilbert had always been thankful for Fred’s friendly nature. He and Bash hit it off right away. The two men teamed up to rag on Gilbert. As he drove, Fred told him about their old friends, and what they had been up to since Gilbert left. 

“Charlie, Moody, and Anne are all at Redmond, but you probably already know that,” Fred said. “I’m sure Anne had told you all about that. Diana said she is doing well there. Ruby is. . .”

Fred continued, but Gilbert stopped listening at the mention of Anne. Fred thought they were still in contact. Did he believe that he and Anne would be old chums after what happened between last June? The with newfound horror, Gilbert realized that Anne might not have told all their friends what happened between them. Fred may not know that had stollen her virginity, or that he left her without another word. Could she have spared his reputation, after what he had done?

“Who’s Anne?” Bash asked Gilbert.

Gilbert hesitated, “Um, just a girl I knew from school.”

“Just a girl,” Fred interrupted and looked at Bash. “No, Anne is the love of his life.”

“Love of his life!” Bash replied. “Blythe, you never mentioned a girl waiting for you back home.”

Gilberts glared at Fred, and replied, “I’m not in love with her, and she is not waiting for me. She is just a friend, who’s family helped me out after my dad died.”

“Okay, okay,” Fred said with putting his hands up but looking at Bash. “Gilberts has been pinning for her, since we were in junior high, only he would never admit it.”

“Seriously, Fred!” Gilbert replied, and then turned to Bash. “It’s not like that with Anne. She was just a friend.”

He paused and let the realization wash over him. He had lost her, “We were friends, but now we are not.”

Fred looked confused at his friend but did not say anything more about the subject until they reached Gilbert’s house. Fred helped them with their bags and waiting outside the house for Gilbert.

“I am glad your back,” Fred started, “but I have to admit, man, I was a little hurt you didn’t even say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry, Fred,” Gilbert replied. “It happened fast, and I did not want to miss the opportunity.”

“It cool,” Fred replied, giving his friend a friendly hit on the shoulder. “There is one thing I can’t figure out, though. What happened between you and Anne? You guys were so close, and now you act like she means nothing to you.”

Fred’s words hit him hard. 

In truth, Anne meant the world to him. 

Anne was present in every thought and decision. If Anne had told Fred what happened last June, he would not be questioning his intention right now.

“What did Anne tell you?” Gilbert asked.

“Nothing really. Just that you got a job on a ship and left rather quickly. “

“Did she tell Diana anything else?”

“Not that I am aware of,” Fred replied, eyeing his friend. “Is there something else to tell? Did something happen between you? Did you finally tell her how you feel, and she rejected you? Is that why you left?”

Gilbert shook his head. He wanted to confide in his old friend. Tell him that he was sorry for hurting Anne. He wished he could take it all back, but he realized he couldn’t ease his burden. There was a reason Anne chose not to tell their friend about what happened between them. Maybe she wanted to spare his reputation, or perhaps it was her own that needed protecting. Either way, he knew he needed to respect her decision and continue to bear that burden alone. 

Fred did not wait for a response, “You know what, it’s cool, man. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I just want what’s best for you.”

Gilbert smiled at his friend, “Thanks.”

“Well, since you are back, why don’t you come to Diana’s New Year’s party. Her parents will still be in Banff with Minnie May. It should be fun, and I think a lot of our old friends will be there.”

“I don’t know, man. I need to get Bash settled, and I plan to go to Redmond on January first,” Gilbert replied.

“Well, if you can, I know we would all love to have you there. It will be like old times.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Fred left soon after his invitation. Gilbert helped Bash get settled into the house. Although he was tired from traveling, he found himself leaving the house. 

He started the old car that his dad bought him on his sixteenth birthday. He was a little surprised it started. It barely worked before he left. 

He drove to the bakery on fifth street and then to the florist on ninth. Then he found himself at the family cemetery. He walked up to his parent’s graves and placed daisies on his mother’s grave and an apple fritters on his father’s. It was the first time he had been there since his father’s funeral.

Before his dad got sick, he would have a tradition with his father. They would pick up flowers and apple fritters and visit his mother’s grave. After spending time at the gravesite, they would walk around the cemetery and eat their treats. Gilbert loved this time with his father. When he was young, they would tell stories of pirates and knights, but as he got older, they would talk about Gilbert’s life. It was these moments Gilbert missed the most. He longed for the days when he could talk about his life and seek wisdom and advice. 

He looked over the gravestone. The words read,

John Blythe

Devoted in Love

Beloved Father

And Daring Adventurer

“When a man is a traveler, the world is his home, and the sky is his roof, where he hangs his hat is his home, and all the people are his family.” – Drew Bundini Brown

Gilbert frowned when he read the quote at the end. It was Anne who found the quote and suggested it for the gravestone. At the time, he was thankful for the thoughtful gesture, but now it was just another reminder of the pain he caused. 

He knew coming back to Avonlea would bring them back together, but he did not realize how much of her was there. It was like she was everywhere in Avonlea. Every street corner and road sign brought some kind of memory of her. 

She was even here, in his safe haven of fond memories with his father. 

Exhausted, he sat down in front of the stone and ran his fingers over the letters. He felt snowflakes on his cheeks and let his childhood memories come back to him. Gilbert missed dad so much. For the first time since his father died, he cried. 

“I’m sorry, dad. I’m sorry, I am not the man you raised me to be. I have made so many mistakes in the past few months, and I know you would be disappointed in me. I wish I could be a person you could be proud of. I wish I could be someone that I was proud of.”


	5. Nothing good can happen after 1:00 am

Anne had never intended to fall for Roy Gardner. He was too tall, too good looking, and too perfect. She did not think he would be interested in her once he got to know her.

Even though she knew nothing substantial could happen between them, she liked how he made her feel. The two had exchanged flirtatious text and one long phone conversations, and each interaction, Roy made a point of flattering her.

In an attempt to evade his advances, she told him she needed space during finals week. It was a fair excuse, as Anne knew she needed to focus on school to maintain her GPA. He was disappointed they could not hang out, but he respected her space. She did not hear from him again until she arrived home from her last final to find flowers sitting on her desk. In the bouquet, she found a note that contained a beautiful poem and a message asking her out on a date. 

All her friends were jealous and swooning over the romantic gesture. Anne, on the other hand, felt it was a little over the top. She had every intention of turning him down. It was Diana who reminded her that she had always dreamed of a guy like Roy. In their youth, they would talk about their romantic ideal, a tall, dark, and handsome man, who would send her flowers and recite poetry to her. Diana encouraged her to go on a date with him so that maybe she could find happiness again. 

In the end, she was happy she accepted Roy's invitation. The two met for coffee in downtown Kingsport, and he defied all her expectations. 

When she arrived at the coffee shop, he was already there waiting for her. He had saved a spot next to the warm fireplace. When he pulled her chair out and helped her into it, her heart fluttered.

She felt shy and feared she was boring him, but he was engaged the entire time. He told stories about his family or his friends and made her laugh at their antics. He would throw his head back, laughing when she talked about her misadventures in her youth. Everything from the warm, inviting atmosphere to the quiet conversation was a perfect first date, and Anne felt perfectly fine. 

The second time they went out, he took her to dinner. When he picked her up from her dorm room, he opened her door and told her she looked beautiful in the moonlight. She could feel her blush travel down to her chest. When she told Diana and Phillipa about it later that night, she thought he knew precisely what she needed to hear. 

When he drove her back to the dorm that night, they talked about their holiday plans. He told her about his Christmas traditions with his family. Roy's family lived on Kingsport's outskirts, so he would not be traveling for the holidays. On the other hand, Anne was working until two days before Christmas and then spending the Holidays in Avonlea. It was then Roy offered to drive her to the ferry on Christmas Eve.

"Are you sure you don't want to spend Christmas Eve with your family?" Anne asked.

"Honestly, we don't do much until the evening anyway," Roy replied. "I could easily drop you off at the ferry and be home in time for dinner."

"Besides," Roy added, linking his fingers with hers, "It would be nice to see you again before you go."

Anne did not know her cheeks could blush so much in one night. She was thankful for the night sky's cover, so he could not see how much his words affected her. When he dropped her off at her dorm, he got out and walked her to the door. She thought he might kiss her but only kissed her hand. She spent the rest of the night telling Diana and Phillipa about her practically perfect night with Roy Gardner.

A few days later, Anne was frantically packing her suitcase when she received a text from Roy saying he would be there in five minutes to pick her up. While his punctuality was usually charming, at that moment, she wished he were not so perfect and be late for once. She wondered briefly if she could invite him up to wait for her to finish, but she looked around at their messy dorm and worried he might think her a slob. 

Zipping up her bag, she took one last look in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, but she had managed to put on a little make up that morning. Maybe Diana or Phillipa could pull off the messy bun, but Anne could not. She quickly ran her finger through her hair and managed to make it look somewhat presentable. Anne and Roy had only gone a few dates, and she was still worried about how she looked in front of him. She always felt he was too good for her. Most of all, she was worried he would leave her broken-hearted if she did something wrong.

Shaking her head, she pushed her insecurities aside and headed down to the road. As always, Roy was waiting for her. She wondered if she should greet him with a hug, but the moment past before she could decide, and he loaded her bag into the car. 

It was not a long drive to the port, but Roy's charming stories made the ride pass quickly. When they arrived, he parked and walked her in. 

"You really didn't have to come in with me," Anne said. "You could have dropped me off."

"Nonsense," He replied, giving her a sexy smirk. "I wanted a proper goodbye."

"And what exactly is involved in a proper goodbye, Mr. Gardner?" Anne responded, trying her best to seem sultry and mysterious. 

He smirked and looked down a little shy, "Are you flirting with me, Ms. Shirley-Cuthbert?"

"Maybe," She replied with a flirtatious smile.

Before they could say anything else, they announced the ferry's departure.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," Anne said, looking up at Roy.

"I guess so," Roy replied, placing a cold hand on her cheek.

Then Roy leaned in and gently brushed his lips against hers. Anne closed her eyes and waited for her mind to get lost in the embrace. She waited for her body to melt into him. As he leaned in further and ran his tongue along her lips to deepen the kiss, she wondered why her body was not reacting at all.

It was a perfectly lovely kiss, but it would not go in the record books for mind-blowing kisses. In truth, she was more worried about what she should do with her hand than how he was making her feel.

When he pulled away, he smiled at her, as if he seemed perfectly content with her. On the other hand, she brought her hand to her lips, wondering why she did not feel anything at all. Not knowing what to say, she smiled back, feeling self-conscious.

If he were one of her friends, he would know it was not a sincere smile, and she was thankful he didn't know her well enough to call her out on it. 

"Can I call you while we are on break?" Roy asked.

"Of course," Anne replied. "I would love to hear from you."

The two parted with a small embrace, that made Anne feel self-conscious. As she walked onto the boat, she turned and saw him watching her from the docks. He waved one last goodbye. He indeed was the most charming man she ever met. Even though their first kiss did not have the spark she was expecting, she reminded herself how Roy made her feel important and beautiful in so many other ways. She could not disregard his charm and kind nature or how he would go out of his way to make her feel special. Anne could not let one mediocre kiss dismantle a perfectly lovely romance. As she settled into her seat, she pulled out her book, and she considered the possibility that she was overthinking the whole situation. Roy seemed to enjoy himself. Maybe if she relaxed a little, they would have connected more. 

\--- 

Anne had been looking forward to Diana's New Year's Eve party since Diana's visit two weeks prior. While spending the holidays with Matthew and Marilia was comforting and relaxing, Anne was looking forward to catching up with her old friends. She was most excited about wearing the new peacoat that Matthew got her for Christmas. The designer coat was made of white wool and had a black lining that matched the black trim and buttons perfectly. What Anne loved most was the belt that caused the coat to hug her body perfectly. It truly was the best gift she could have gotten.

In her practical nature, Marilla said Matthew was spoiling her, but Anne knew he showed his love through gifts. She had been admiring the coat in Charlottetown when Matthew dropped her off at the ferry to Kingsport during her Thanksgiving visit. She never dreamed he would get it for her.

She was also looking forward to seeing Diana to talk to her about her budding romance Roy.

Anne had not seen Diana since she left the Banff to spend Christmas with her family. While they exchanged a few text messages, Anne always preferred face to face conversation.

As she was applying the last of her makeup, she realized she was running late again. The party had started over an hour ago, and she promised Diana she would be there to help set up. Anne had spent a good portion of the afternoon on the phone with Roy and lost track of time. She threw a change of clothes in her overnight bag and headed downstairs to say goodbye to Matthew and Marilla.

"Well now," Matthew said, "Don't you look nice with that coat on."

"Oh, don't compliment her too much, Matthew," Marilla interrupted. "You'll only add to her vanity,"

Anne rolled her eyes and hugged Matthew, "thank you again for the jacket. I absolutely love it."

"Anytime, my dear," he replied.

He looked her over, "Heading to Orchard Slope, then?"

"Yes," Anne replied, "and I am spending the night there, so don't expect me home."

Anne hugged Marilla and walked over to Orchard Slope. It was already cold, and she was thankful the scarf Marilla knitted for her for Christmas. She made a mental note to tell Marilla how grateful she was when she got back in the morning.

As she walked up to the house, Anne could hear the music playing from the house. She wondered if anyone would hear if she knocked and decided instead to walk through the door instead of knocking. As she entered, she could hear talking and laughing in the living room. Following the noise, she saw Tilly coming down the stairs.

"Anne," She exclaimed as she hugged her, "You're here!"

She had obviously been drinking, as her breath smelled of alcohol.

Anne hugged her old friend, "Hi Tilly, I am here. It's good to see you!"

"Um, Diana was looking for you a minute ago," Tilly said a little slurred. "I think she is in the kitchen." Only she was pointing toward the living room.

"Er, okay," Anne said, looking her over, "Are you okay? Do you want some water or something?"

"Oh no, I'm good. I just need to pee!" Tilly said, almost tipping over the glass of wine she was holding.

"Okay, I'll take this," Anne replied, taking the glass of wine from her, "and you go to the bathroom. Then maybe drink some water. Okay?"

Tilly nodded, started walking toward the front door.

Anne stopped her and said, "Woah, there little missy. The bathroom is this way."

Anne walked her friend to the bathroom and made sure she okay. Anne did not want to leave her alone, so she walked her to the living room. As the girls walked into the living room, Anne saw many of her old friends talking and playing Cards Against Humanity. 

"Has anyone seen Diana?" Anne yelled over the music.

"I think she is in the kitchen with Fred," Ruby replied.

"Thanks," Anne replied, and as she walked away. Then she added, "and I want in on the next game."

When she walked into the kitchen, she realized she was still holding Tilly's glass of wine. She looked around the room for Diana and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a tall, shaggy-haired guy with hazel eyes staring at her. Her body froze as she saw Gilbert Blythe for the first time in six months. She raked her brain, trying to remember if Diana had told her Gilbert would be there tonight. She wondered if he knew she would there too. 

Judging by the shocked look on his face, he was just as surprised to see her. Anne took a moment to look at him and thought he had changed somehow. He looked older and sadder. His hair had grown out, and he had managed to grow a beard. The new-look made his look handsome.

She wasn't sure how long the two stared at each other, but they were both pulled from their thoughts when a series of unfortunate events occurred. Moody came barreling into the kitchen and lost his balance, running right into Gilbert's back causing Gilbert to fall forward right into Anne. In a perfect world, this may have been a comical moment, if it weren't for Tilly's wine in Anne's hands. Gilbert's impact caused the red wine to spill all over Anne's new white peacoat. 

Anne looked down at the coat in shock. Gilbert looked down at it too.

"Oh my God, Anne. I am so sorry," Gilbert said as he grabbed a towel and tried to wipe it up.

His hands on her made her jump away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" she said as she pulled the towel away.

He pulled his hands away and lifted them up in surrender. 

She ran out of the room as she pulled the jacket off and rushed to the guest bedroom. As she tried to blot out the wine, she realized that it was almost impossible to get red wine out of wool. Anne loved this coat the moment she saw it in the store. When she opened the gift on Christmas morning, she could hardly believe it was actually hers. Now, on its maiden voyage, Anne had managed to ruin it.

She thought about how disappointed Matthew would be if he knew she had ruined the coat. Suddenly guilt washed over her, and tears formed in her eyes.

Anne heard a soft knock on the door and Diana soft voice asking to come in. As soon as Anne opened the door, Diana hugged her dear friend.

"I am sorry, Anne. I did not know Gilbert was coming tonight. Fred invited him and completely forgot to tell me," Diana said. "I could kill him for making you cry again."

Anne laughed through her tears. For the first time in months, it was not Gilbert who caused her tears.

"I was actually crying because my new coat is ruined."

She felt a little silly, saying it out loud. 

Diana looked at the coat and then back at Anne with sympathetic eyes, "Are you sure that is all. It would be okay to be still mad at him. I, for one, would have punched him in the face."

"Well, I did tell not to touch me," Anne said.

"I heard that part, and I believe you said, 'Don't fucking touch me.' Which made me want to sing for joy."

Anne laughed again.

She loved that Diana would support her no matter how childish she was acting.

"Do you want me to ask him to leave?" Diana asked.

Anne thought it over.

It would be so much easier if he did leave and was tempted to say yes. Unfortunately, she knew she would have to face him eventually, as they would be at Redmond in the spring. She would need to learn to live in a world in Gilbert Blythe again, and fortunately, tonight she had her friends here to help her through it.

"No, there is no need for that," Anne replied. "I'll just have to learn to avoid him."

"If that is what you want, I completely understand," Diana replied, picking up the coat. "I'll see if Rosalee can work her magic on this jacket when she returns on Monday. I have yet to see a stain that woman hasn't gotten out yet."

Anne nodded and placed the coat on the hook in her room.

"Now, are we going to spend all night up here sulking, or are we going to enjoy our New Year's Eve party?" Diana asked. "Because if you want to stay here all night, I am perfectly happy to grab some drinks and pizza for us."

Anne hugged her friend, "Let go have some fun!"

The two girls laughed as they headed down the stairs. Anne had every intention of not letting Gilbert Blythe affect her night.

The rest of the night was a series of strategic moves from one room to another. Any time Gilbert would enter the room, Diana would find a reason for Anne to leave the room. Gilbert, too was doing his best to avoid her. When they were both drawn into a conversation, they avoided eye contact, and Anne suddenly found the hem of her shirt very interesting. At one point, Anne felt like they were contending on who could elude the other better. After all that happened between them, they were still competing again each other. 

All in all, the party was going smoothly, until Fred pulled Diana away from Anne. In all fairness, Anne knew she could not occupy Diana all night.

It was New Year's Eve, and Diana should spend some time with her boyfriend. As she watched Diana interact with Fred, she felt a bit jealous. Anne had longed for a relationship like Diana and Fred's. They fit together so easily, and she could see the love they felt for each other. They were truly the romantic ideal. 

Watching her friends interact, she felt lonely. When Diana would go off with Fred during high school, Anne would find herself at Gilbert's side. They would sit together and talk. She always had a place next to him. She had not realized how easy it was to be with him until now when they were not speaking.

When midnight rolled around, Anne stood with Diana and Fred as they kissed the new year in. She felt like a third wheel and let her eye wander the room. She took a moment to look at Gilbert. She wondered if he thought of her as she thought of him, or if she haunted his dreams the way he came to her almost every night. 

Gilbert was standing next to Charlie and laughing at some joke she could not hear. His laugh seemed forced, and his smile did not reach his eyes. Her heart hurt for him, and she wondered if he had found any peace while he was gone. Then all too quickly, she reminded herself that she could not help him; he already took too much from her. 

Not long after the countdown, Diana told her that she and Fred were headed to bed. Anne thought about heading to bed too, but Jane begged her to stay and play games with her. Anne played a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity when Josie suggested another game.

"It's Never Have I Ever, only with drinking," Josie explained as she handed out shot glasses.

"You have five shots. You must drink one shot if you have done what the person says. If you get through all five shots, you have to drink the beer in the middle."

Anne sat down in front of a set of shot glasses. She always liked playing Never Have I Ever because she usually won. While she was adventurous, she was innocent when it came to life experience. She never broke the rules or tried drugs, so the game was usually pretty easy for her.

"Are you going to play, Gilbert?" Josie asked. Anne had not even noticed him enter the room.

"I think I just watch." He replied as he sat down across the table from Anne.

"Oh, come on," Josie replied. "It will be interesting to see how much fun you had on that ship of yours."

Gilbert smiled. Anne tried not to let that smile affect her, but it somehow created a small ache in her stomach that reminded her of their night together all those months ago. 

"I think I'll leave that to your imagination, Josie," he replied.

Josie rolled her eyes, and the game began. As Anne suspected, she did well at the game. Most of the comments involved misadventures and illicit drugs, so she had all five shots sitting in front of her. 

Then Tilly said, "Never have I ever, been to Redmond College."

Anne, Charlie, and Moody all took a shot. The liquid burned as it went down, and she could feel the effect a few minutes later.

She was feeling bold and fearless.

When Josie turn came around, Anne rolled her eyes. In the past, when they played this game, Josie would find ways to poke fun at Anne. Josie usually called out her early childhood misfortune or the unfortunate color of her hair. Feeling the courage of the liquor in her system, she decided to beat her at her own game.

"Bring it on, Josie," Anne said, picking up her shot glass. 

Josie smile, but before she could speak, Anne decided to speak for her.

"Let me guess. Never have you ever had red hair," Anne said, and then drink her shot. 

"I wasn't going to say that, Anne," Josie replied.

"Or, never have you ever, been on orphan," Anne replied, taking another shot.

"Seriously, Anne, you're making it sound like I am out to get you."

"Oh, the best one of all," Anne interrupted again lift the fourth shot glass to her lips. "Never have you ever had to cut my hair because of a bad dye job,"

Anne swallowed the warm liquid and waited for the warmth to travel through her body. Her friends all thought she was still a lightweight, but in recent months she found comfort in the numbness she felt when the liquid entered her system. 

"I wasn't going to say any of those things, Anne," Josie said defensively, as Anne picked up her last shot in preparation for her comment.

"Come on, Josie," Ruby said. "You always mess with Anne. She was just calling you out on it."

"Fine," Josie said, rolling her eyes, "Never have I ever. . .been in love."

Anne put her drink back down and sat back in her chair. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert could easily say she has never been in love. As she listened to laughing and joking around the table, she felt confident that she finally beat Josie. She knew she could rest easy tonight, knowing that Josie would not mess with her again tonight. 

Anne's final shot was left untouched for a while, until Ruby said, "Never have I ever. . .had a one-night stand."

At first, she passed it off as just another thing she had not done. She had only had sex one time, and it could not possibly be considered a one-night stand. But then when she thought about it again, she realized that she was utterly wrong. With overwhelming shame, Anne realized that her one and only experience could only be considered a one-night stand. They were not dating, he left the next day without another word, and they have not spoken since. 

With anger filling her heart, she looked at Gilbert as she picked up her shot glass. When their eyes met, she knew he was thinking the same thing. He shook his head as if silently asking her not to take the drink. This was her last shot, which meant she would have to drink the beer at the table's center. Soon everyone would know that naive little Anne was no longer so innocent. 

Pushing all thoughts out of her mind, she maintained eye contact with Gilbert as she took the shot. She wanted him to feel guilty for putting her in this position. No one noticed Anne's action until she reached for the beer. The room became quiet as she downed the beer. When she finished, she looked around the room to see shocked faces. They knew the truth, and she could not deny it any longer.

Soon everyone was talking at once. Her friends all asking for details, but all she could see was Gilbert with his head in the hands. 

"I can't say that I am surprised," Billy shouted over the commotion, causing everyone to stop and listen. "I never thought you were that innocent. I bet you went off to college and started sleeping around right away. Those poor boys didn't even see you coming."

"Billy!" Jane said, trying to stop her brother.

"No, really, Jane," Billy continued, "After one semester away, sweet little Anne Shirley-Cuthbert turns into complete slut."

Before he could say anymore, Gilbert got up and punched him right in the face. Billy was shocked by the impact, but he quickly recovered and ran into Gilbert, forcing him to the ground, knocking over the coffee table as he fell.

The room was suddenly in an uproar as the scuffle turned into a full-on fight.

Anne watched with horror as Charley and Moody pulled the two boys away from each other. Both Gilbert and Billy tried in vain to free themselves from their friends' grip. 

"You have no right to talk about her like that!" Gilbert yelled.

"I was just saying what everyone was thinking!" Billy yelled back.

"Stop it! Both of you," Anne said, stepping between the two boys, but looked at Gilbert. "Seriously, are you twelve years old."

Her cheeks felt hot, and she could feel her heart beating all over her body. The night's excitement made her feel bold, and she felt ready to take on the world.

She turned to Billy with shaking hands, "You haven't grown up at all, have you. You are the same as when we were in middle school. I do not know why, but you seem to take joy in hurting others. It's going to bite you butt someday, and I hope I am there to see it happen. Honestly, Billy, I don't need your approval, and I could care less about your opinion. You can call me a slut until you are blue in the face, and it won't mean a thing to me, because all you are to me is petty and mean."

Then she turned to Gilbert, who said, "Anne, I couldn't let him-"

"Stop, you have no right to speak for me, Gilbert," Anne interrupted, but her anger still running through her body. "I don't need you of all people defending my honor!"

She watched as the implication of her words washed over him. Then she turned and walked away from the wide eyes of her friends.

Marilla was right. Nothing good can happen after 1:00 am. 

Upon entering the guest room, she could feel the flight or fight instinct running through her veins. Her hands were shaking and cold; her heart was beating out of her chest. She tried to ease her shaking hands and beating heart. She paced the room and reran the whole evening over in her head, trying to force the adrenaline out of her system. She knew she would have to deal with the ramifications in the morning, but she needed to calm down right now. 

After washing her face and changing into her pajamas, she began to feel her body calm. 

As she was crawling into the bed, she heard a knock on her door. Much to her surprise, she found Gilbert standing her doorway. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

She suddenly felt tired and worn out from the excitement of the night, "It's late. Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"I am leaving for Redmond tomorrow," Gilbert replied.

Anne signed and stepped aside to let him into the room. 

He did not say anything for a long time. She watched his tall frame walk through the room, picking up the figurine on the dresser.

His hair was a mess, and he had the beginnings of a bruise forming under his left eye. God, he was handsome as hell.

"Gilbert?" Anne said, pulling him from his thoughts. "I thought you wanted to talk."

He nodded and set down the figurine. 

After another long pause, he looked at the white coat hanging on the door frame.

"I'm sorry about your coat," He said, looking up at her.

Anne looked at the wine covered jacket. As much as she wanted to blame him for her life's problems, this one instance wasn't his fault. The coat was merely caught in the crossfire of an accident.

"It's not your fault, Gilbert," she replied. "If anything, Moody should be here apologizing, not you."

"Honestly, I think he afraid to cross you after what happened with Billy," Gilbert replied with a small smirk.

"I have to admit, it was nice to see you deck him," Anne replied with a smile. "I have wanted to do that for years."

He laughed, and his face lite up with humor. This time, Anne notices, his smile met his eyes.

"You weren't so bad yourself, Carrots," Gilbert replied. "I would have paid good money to see a verbal lashing like that. Billy did not know what to do with himself after you left. He and Josie took off not long after you came up here. When did they become a thing?"

"No long after you left," she replied. "Josie and I haven't talked much since I left for school."

It felt nice talking to him like old times. It was then she noticed the blood dripping down his arm.

"You're bleeding, Gilbert," She said, pointing to the red stain on his shirt sleeve.

He looked down at his arm in surprise, "Oh, I didn't notice. It must have happened with we ran into the coffee table."

Anne signed and lifted his sleeve to look at the wound on his tricep., "It doesn't look deep. I think the Berry's keep a first aid kit in the bathroom."

When she returned with the first aid kit, he said, "Don't worry about it, Anne, I will be fine. I can just put a bandage on it when I get home."

"Oh, don't play the stoic hero with me, Gilbert," she replied as she cleaned the wound. "We both know you are not the white knight of this story."

He turned away from her before she could see his reaction, but he asked, "If I am not the white knight in your story, then who am I?"

She paused before placing the bandage on his arm. He was the boy who broke her heart and made her feel cheap and used. 

"You are just the boy who took my virginity," she said as she put his sleeve back in place. She was so close to him; she could smell his sweet, musky scent that brought a flood of happy memories with him. While her words were meant to hurt him, she did not pull away for fear of losing those precious moments.

"More like stole it," he replied quietly, looking down in shame.

"No," she said, moving closer so she could look into his eyes. "It was given freely."

She started to pull away. She wanted to process what his words could mean, but his hand pulled her back, "Anne, I-"

"Is that what you thought?" she asked, interrupting his words. "Did you think you took advantage of me?"

"I didn't know. Everything from that night was foggy, and you looked so sad," he replied, closing eyes as if he were trying to remember. "All I remember is that you were there, and you were beautiful, and I was lost."

She placed her on his hand on his cheek, feeling the rough bristles of his beard, and forced him to make eye contact with her, "Gilbert, I said yes."

"I should have never pushed you," he replied, placing one hand on her hip and the other on the nape of her neck, causing goosebumps to form on her arms. 

"We both could have made better decisions that night," she replied, realizing she was in his tender arms, and she could feel his warm breath on her skin. She felt safe.

His eyes traveled from her eyes to lips, and she felt the familiar pull like a magnet forcing her closer to him. "I never wanted to hurt you," he said, as his lips drifted closer to hers.

"I know," she said, as their lips touched. She wasn't sure if she initiated the kiss or he did, but when she opened her mouth to let his tongue touch hers, she melted into him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body into him. Soon every thought and fear left her mind, and she stopped fighting the magnetic pull that drew her to him. 

Without breaking the connection between them, she felt herself slowly back up, so that the back of her knees hit the bed. She felt his warm hands travel down to her shirt's hem, touching the exposed skin with his rough hands. His lips moved to her the sensitive spot on her neck, the whiskers of his beard tickling her skin, causing a small moan to escape her lips.

Pulling away from the kiss, she needed to feel more of him. His eyes watched her as she released each button of her shirt revealing as more of her skins with each movement of her hands. He groaned when she pushed the garment off her shoulders to reveal her naked skin beneath. His eyes traveled over her body, but he did not move to touch her.

Standing in front of his bare from the waist up, she suddenly felt very exposed and vulnerable.

Instinctively, she moved to cover herself, but his gentle hands stopped her.

"Don't," he said as he brought his hands to her waist. "I just want to admire you for a moment."

Slowly his hand traveled to her breast and she let out a moan when his hand covered her breast, feeling her nipple pucker under his touch. Feeling bold, she reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. It was her turn to admire his body. She ran her hands down his arms and over the expanse of his chest. His time of the ship had caused his body to fill out. She longed for his strong arms to be wrapped around her body and feel her bare chest against his. 

Anne wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his lips to hers, and they both let out a moan as they felt their skin touch for the first time. The next thing she knew, her back was on the bed, and he was hovering over her with one leg resting between her. Her shorts were riding high on her leg as she wrapped it around his hip. She could feel the rough fabric of his jeans on her inner thigh.

Soon his lips traveled down her neck and then to her breast. She ran her fingers through his soft curls, as he took one nipple between his lips, and his hand caressed the other. His ministrations produced an overwhelming sensation in her body, causing her to move her hips again his leg instinctively. He pushed leg against her core causing more friction and making her long for more contact.

His lips found hers once more, as running her hands over his stomach. Then she released the button of his jeans.

"Take off your jeans," she breathed into his ear.

He quickly stood up on pulled off his jeans, leaving him only his in boxer. As he was crawling back onto the bed, she pulled her shorts off, leaving only a pair of small panties. Crawling over her again, he pushed her legs apart with hands and settled in the cradle of her legs. 

He kissed her again, but this time she could feel his need for her too. His hands ran over her body, with one hand one breast and the other traveling over her hip to her thigh, bringing her knee higher on his waist. The new position allowed him to push his hips against hers, and she could feel his hard erection rub against her core. 

She whimpered when he pulled his hips away from her, but her whimpers turned to moans when he slipped his hand into her panties and ran his fingers through her wet folds. 

"God, I want to be inside you," he groaned as his lips found her collar bone. 

"Please, Gilbert," she moaned as his finger entered her, making her body scream for more.

"I need to hear you say it, Anne," he whispered as he moved his fingers inside her. She cried out in pleasure when his fingers found her clit, and almost instantly, she felt herself building toward her climax.

Boldly she slipped her hand inside his boxers and wrapped her hand around his hard erection. He groaned at the contact. 

"Please, Gilbert," she whispered as she took his earlobe in her mouth, "I need you inside me."

He pulled away to look in her eyes, "You're sure?"

She nodded, and he kissed her as he ran his hand over her body. Leaning up, he pulled her panties over her hips and quickly discarding his boxers. Leaning over her again, he slipped his knees between her legs and pushed them apart.

She willingly wrapped her legs around his waist, breathing heavily in anticipation.

He kissed her again as he ran the tip of his penis through her wet folds.

She pulled away slightly and looked at him, "Go slow, it's been a while."

"Always," he said, and he slowly pushed into her with a moan. 

She threw her head back and moaned as he filled her to brim. 

Once he was fully inside her, he waited a few moments for her to adjust. His hazel eyes traveled over her features. As he moved a small piece of hair behind her ear, he said, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and pushed her hips up to meet his; she longed for him to move again so that she could feel the familiar pressure building inside her. Then he guided her lips to his once more for a gentle kiss, and he starts to move inside her. She savored the feeling of him inside her. Soon her hips moved with his creating a delicious friction inside her.

They moved together in an unhurried fashion, clinging to each other with each movement. Their hands and lips finding purchase on each other's skin, she in particularly liked it when he kissed her collar bone. 

Abruptly, Gilbert paused his movements and looked at her with an expression she could not explain. His stare made her feel exposed and vulnerable. 

"What's wrong?" she said, suddenly scared he was regretting being with her. "Why did you stop?"

"Nothing," he said, as he brushed his thumb over gently her bottom lip and kissed her tenderly. Looking into her eyes again, he added, "I just wanted to live in the moment for a minute."

They stared at each other a beat longer, and then he started moving again. This time, though, it felt different. Suddenly every move, every touch overwhelmed her senses. Even the warmth of his breath on her neck caused her mind to lose control. Then she felt the wonderful sensation building inside her, and soon they both fell apart clinging to one another. 

With Gilbert collapsed on top of her, breathing hard, she slowly comes back to reality. She lazily played with the soft hair the base of his neck, and his lips gently kiss the sensitive skin of her shoulder. 

She wasn't sure how long they lay like that, but she whimpers when she felt him withdraw and roll onto her side. Looking at him then, she feared he would pull away again and leave her to face another morning alone. 

"Don't go," she said, pulling him closer to her.

Before she could say anything else, he leaned in and nuzzled his nose against hers and kissed her tenderly.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said as he wrapped his arm around her body. 

She melted into him and allowed herself to relax. All she cared about at that moment was his warm body and sweet lips against hers.

As Anne felt herself drifting to sleep, she listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing and the gentle strokes of his fingers in her side. 

Just as she was giving in to the pull of slumber, she heard him say, "I missed you."

She smiled, but so too exhausted to open her eye. 

"I missed you too," she whispered.

The last thing she felt before sleep overtook her was his warm lips on her cheek. 


	6. Words of Truth

The guest bedroom at Orchard Slope was large, with tall windows facing the morning sun. The light was dull from the overcast weather and made the room feel cold, which was a stark contrast to the room's warm, welcoming environment. The bedroom was quiet, and the only noise was Anne's rhythmic breathing.

The sound of a muffled message alert filled the quiet room. Gilbert knew it was most likely Bash wondering where he was, but he couldn't bring himself to move to answer it. He did not want to break the spell she cast over him. 

Anne's head rested perfectly on his shoulder, and her body pressed against his side. The floral smell of her hair washed over him as he ran his fingers gently through her luscious red locks. Her warm breath tickled his skin as she slept peacefully at his side. He did not want to move and feel the cold morning air replace her warm body. 

For the first time in the six months since his father died, he did not want to run. He wanted to stay there and bask in the peace that only came when Anne was near. As he ran his hand over her bareback, he thought about the relief that washed over him when she said, "Gilbert, I said yes." All the regret and pain that had been pulling him down suddenly lifted from his shoulders. He could finally look her in the eye and touch her flawless skin, knowing that she wanted him too. Their one perfect night released months of regret and pining. 

Gilbert was pulled from her charm once again by the ring of his cell phone. The noise caused Anne to stir in her sleep. She did not wake fully but rolled away from him, so her back was facing him. Instantly he missed the warmth of her skin. He knew Bash would call again in a few minutes, but he needed to feel her skin against his for a minute more. He rolled over and drew her body close to his. As if they were two pieces of a puzzle, her body molded to his. He brought his arm around her body and rested his hand on her bare stomach, pulling her back flush with his chest.

He knew this moment had to end, and his time with her was fleeting, but he wanted to spend as much time as possible holding her. His body began to stir when she moved slightly and pressed herself against him, and he ran his hand up to her breast. He thought about waking her up and making sweet love to her again but stopped himself when he remembered he needed to get to Redmond that night if he was going to take a mini-term class during the winter break. Redmond offered three-week intensive courses during the winter break, and he hoped to take one to make up for missing a whole semester. 

Gilbert stayed there until his phone when off again. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was getting late, and if he did not leave soon, he would miss the ferry to the mainland. There was only one ferry running that day due to the holiday. 

Reluctantly, he pulled himself away from Anne and gathered his clothes. Pulling on his boxers, he fished through the pockets of his jeans to find his phone. There were several text messages from Bash and two missed calls. 

Bash: I thought you said you weren't going to stay until midnight?

Bash: So, you did not come home last night. I'm guessing you found somewhere to sleep.

Bash: Do you still need a ride to the ferry?

Bash: We need to leave in an hour if you want to take the ferry today.

Gilbert looked at the time stamp and realized he only had a half-hour to make it home if he was going to make it to the ferry on time. He quickly replied to Bash's text. 

Gilbert: I stayed at Orchard Slope last night. I'll leave here in a few minutes and meet you at the house. 

As he was dressing, he heard the buzz of another cell phone. Looking down, he saw Anne's phone light up on the dresser. On the screen, he saw a picture of Anne and a guy with dark hair and dark eye, and the name on the screen read "Roy Gardner." In the photo, Anne looked happy, she was leaning into the guy, and he had his arm around her shoulder. 

He felt a spark of jealously when he saw Anne with the unknown person in the picture, and the feeling confused him. The two seemed close, but Anne was close to a lot of people. Maybe he was just a friend from school. 

A few minutes later, as he was tying his shoes, her phone lit up again with a new text message. 

Almost out of instinct, his eye traveled to the content of the message. 

Roy: Good morning, beautiful. I hope you had a good time with your friends last night. I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy new year, and I cannot wait to see you and. . .

The rest of the message was cut off from view, and Gilbert longed to open her phone read the rest of the message. He knew that would be an invasion of her privacy. He wondered who Roy was and why he had never heard of him before. 

Before he could think any more about Roy, Anne began to stir. Gilbert walked over to her and sat on the bed next to her. Placing his hand on her delicate shoulder, he gently nudged her awake. 

Slowing, she opened her eyes, and he could see her beautiful greys looking back at him. 

"Hey," she said groggily.

"Hey, sleep-head," he whispered as he ran his thumb over her cheek. 

"Are you leaving?" she asked, looking at his clothes.

"Yeah, I have to catch the ferry to Redmond."

She sat up a little and said, "Do you need a ride? If you give me a minute, I can drive you."

"No, I've got a ride. You go back to sleep," he said, bringing the blanket over her shoulder. "I just wanted to tell you goodbye."

Anne snuggled back into the bed and looked at him again with sleepy eyes. 

Without thinking, he leaned down and gently kissed her lips. 

She responded by placing her hand on his cheek.

"You looked so peaceful sleeping I felt guilty waking you," he said as he pulled away slightly.

"I'm glad you did," she said and then added, "That way, I know that last night wasn't just a dream."

He smiled and looked at the clock, "I have to go, but I'll see you in a couple of weeks at school."

Anne's furrowed her eyebrows, "Oh, I have to be back on Friday for work, so maybe we can get together then."

"I'd like that," he replied, and leaned down and kissed her one last time.

"Bye," she said, as she laid her head back on the pillow.

"Bye, Anne-girl," he replied, and he walked to the door.

As he opened the door, he took one more look at Anne's sleeping form. He debated canceling his plans, so he could stay and hold her a little longer. 

Pushing the crazy thoughts from his mind, he quietly walked out of the room.

As he quietly closed, he jumped when he heard, "What the hell are you doing here?"

He turned to see a furious Diana at the end of the hall wearing a floral robe. Her arms crossed in front of her, and her brown eyes grew with anger.

"Diana," he said, with a nonchalant grin, sauntering closer, so he could move the conversation away from Anne's door. "I didn't see you there. Happy New Year."

Ignoring him completely, she looked at Anne's closed door and said, "Please tell me I didn't just see you come out of Anne's room."

He looked down at his wrinkled clothes and then back at Diana. It was clear he had spent the night, but he did not understand why Diane was so angry about it. Before he could ask her about it, she made her feelings known.

"How dare you!" she cried. "Sauntering out Anne's room like you own the place. After what you pulled last summer, I should have never let you step one foot in my house. The only reason I let you stay was out of respect for my boyfriend, who, by the way, was pretty hurt that you just left without any notice, and you did not even have the decency to contact anyone while you were gone."

"Diana, I told Fred I was—" Gilbert tried to explain.

"Then you come in here and acting like nothing happened between you and Anne last summer," Diana interrupted. "You completely ignore her all night and let everyone think you are still some golden boy back from adventure at sea."

"I was trying to give her space," Gilbert replied, trying to defend himself.

Before he could say anything else, she interrupted again, "Did you sleep with her again?"

He looked down and thought about her questions. Obviously, Anne had told her about their night together last June. Judging by the anger in her voice and the accusing tone she used, she already knew the answer. He nodded anyway.

"You asshole!" she said as she slapped him across the face. 

He brought his hand to cheek, surprised by the stinging sensation her hand left on his skin. He knew he deserved her cruel words. They were words he had been longing to hear since the day his father died. He wanted someone to see him for who he was. 

Then he thought about the night before with Anne and how different it had been from their first time. The way they moved together as if it was the most natural thing to do. At no point did anything feel rushed or out of place. 

"Diana last night wasn't like before," Gilbert explained. He yearned to tell her that all he wanted was to be with Anne, and he thought maybe Anne felt the same way. Before he could formulate the word, Diane spoke again.

"You destroyed her, Gilbert!" she exclaimed, with tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "When you left last summer, you destroyed her. You weren't here to pick up the pieces, but I was. I saw the light in her eyes fade and dark circles under her eyes for weeks. I saw the long sleeves she wore for a month, covering the bruises you left on her wrists. I was there every time her face clouded over at the mention of your name."

Gilbert closed his eyes and let the realization of Diana's word take hold of his heart. He pictured Anne's bright eyes look dull in the summer sun. It almost seemed impossible for her to be anything but the optimistic, encouraging person he had always known. 

"I didn't know," he replied, looking down. 

"Of course, you didn't know!" She yelled. "No one heard from you for six months. She was a virgin, Gilbert, and you didn't even have the decency to look back to see how she was. It took her months to even talk about it, Gilbert, and now you come in here and do it again!"

"You're right. I am an asshole," he replied quietly. His change in demeaner caused Diana to let out an exasperated sigh.

"The worst part is that she was just starting to be happy again," Diana said with a calmer voice. 

"She met someone, you know. They met at school, and I think she could really like him if she lets herself."

Gilbert thought the dark-haired guy from Anne's phone, "Roy Gardner?"

"Yes," Diana said, a little surprised. "He's actually a really nice guy, Gilbert. He treats her like a princess, and he makes her face light up like it used to."

Suddenly, the message on Anne's phone made more sense. Roy was texting his girlfriend on New Year's. The thought of another guy making Anne's face light up made Gilbert's stomach turn.

"She's happy, Gilbert," Diana said, pulling him from his thoughts. "After everything you have put her through this year, you have to let her be happy."

He knew what Diana meant. She wanted him to let Anne go so that she could be happy with Roy.

"That's all I wanted for her," Gilbert said, as he sadly realized that maybe her happiness might be without him. 

Gilbert jumped when his phone went off in his pocket. 

"Oh, crap," he said, looking at the time, "Diana, I have to go, or I'll miss the ferry to the mainland."

He walked past her to leave but then paused and looked back at Diana, saying, "You know, I am sorry for everything that happened last summer. For bailing on you and Fred, and especially for what happened with Anne."

"I don't really care about what you did or didn't do to Fred or me. Right now, you just have to do what is right, for Anne's sake," Diana replied.

Diane walked away without another word. 

Pushing his conversation with Diana out of his mind, Gilbert ran to his car. After running one red light and rolling through two stop signs, he made it home at record speed. Bash was there waiting for him at the front door with Gilbert's packed suitcase sitting next to him.

"If we leave now, we still might make it," Gilbert said, a little out of breath.

"We'll be cutting it close," Bash said as he got in the driver's seat.

Gilbert loaded the suitcase into the back of the car and settled into the passenger seat.

"So, what happened to not staying until midnight?" Bash said as they pulled onto the main road. "The whole point of leaving the party early, was to avoid missing the ferry."

"I know, I'm sorry," Gilbert replied, feeling like apologizing was his new form of communication. 

He quickly formulated an excuse for staying late at the party that didn't include spending the whole night watching Anne avoid him. "It was nice seeing my old friends, and the time just got ahead of me."

"It's just we had a plan, and you totally bailed. You said you were not going to drink at the party so that you could drive home early. Then I don't hear from you until this morning. Were you too drunk to drive?"

"No, I didn't drink last night," Gilbert replied. 

Bash gave him a questioning look that made it clear he did not believe him.

"I promise I didn't drink. It just got late, so I stayed there."

It was the truth; it just left out why he stayed and how he longed to go back to the moments before he opened the guest bedroom door.

"Ok," Bash replied, looking at him with concerned eyes. "I thought this went without saying, but I am here for you if there was something more going on with you than a late night with friends."

For a moment, he thought about talking to Bash about what happened with Anne. Unfortunately, he could not process all that happened. 

From the beautiful night with Anne to Diane's confrontation, he couldn't wrap his brain around his feelings or how to express them in words. Therefore, he said nothing at all. It was his usual tactic when he could not process his thoughts.

The remainder of the ride was quiet. Bash did not push the issue any further, and Gilbert sat content knowing that Bash would be there for him when he was ready.

They arrived at the ferry just as they announced the ferry's departure. Gilbert barely had time to hug his friend before he boarded the boat. 

When he settled into his seat, and he let himself relax from the anxiety of getting to the ferry on time. 

The quiet of the ferry provided the perfect opportunity for him to sort out his thoughts. He reflected on every soft word, comforting look, passionate touch he shared with Anne the night before. Then he considered the dreadful conversation with Diana.

His thoughts became clear. For the first time in months, he was sure of two things:

  1. He was in love with Anne Shirley-Cuthbert
  2. But, doing the right thing for Anne, maybe letting her go.



With this new realization in mind, he knew what he needed to do. He pulled out his phone and typed a message to Anne. 


	7. Fool Me Twice

The smell of bacon and pancake filled Orchard Slope as Anne woke slowly. It was mid-day, and the morning fog was burning off outside, bringing sunlight into the bedroom. She rolled over and placed her small hand on the cold spot where Gilbert lay the night before, wishing he was there keeping her warm.

She smiled as she remembered the way her body sung under his tender touch. She felt her cheeks flush as she thought of how she so easily melted into him as if she could not resist him if she tried.

As she rolled out of bed, she remembered how he sweetly woke her to say goodbye. In his eyes, she saw the kindness she remembered from their youth. His hazel eyes showed a peace that had been lost when he learned of his father's illness.

After pulling on her clothes, she grabbed her phone off the dresser. She tapped the screen to turn it on, but nothing happened. Realizing her phone was dead, Anne looked through her bag for her charger, but it was nowhere to be found. She must have left her charger at home. 

Frustrated, she realized she would have to wait until she got home to check her messages.

Following the delicious smell of breakfast and the sound of laughter echoing through the house, she made her way to the kitchen to find her friends laughing and talking. Diana and Fred were standing over the stove, cooking breakfast for the group. Fred was wearing Mrs. Barry's floral apron with lace trim. He looked ridiculous, and the sight made Anne smirk. 

Sitting at the counter, she heard Fred say, "She's alive! We wondered when Queen Anne would wake from her slumber."

"Leave her alone, Fred," Ruby replied. "She had a rough night losing Never Have I Ever."

Anne rolled her eyes and pour herself some juice.

"Anne losing Never Have I Ever?" Fred said as he put a few pancakes in front of Anne. "I have to hear this story."

The group recounted their versions of the night's events, causing Anne to blush with embarrassment. 

"I only wish I could have hit him," Jane added. "Even if he is my brother, he was still an ass."

"It was crazy," Charlie concluded. "Billy and Josie left looking like idiots, and then Gilbert went home soon after."

Anne flushed at the mention of Gilbert. She felt a sense of relief that her friend did not know about her night with Gilbert. It was a precious night that belonged only to them. Her relief faltered when she looked up at Diane, who gave her a knowing look. As if Diana knew the truth without having to tell her. 

"Seriously, Anne, how are you not hungover right now?" Ruby asked, pulling Anne from her thoughts. 

"You had five shots and a beer. That a lot for anyone, let alone someone like you."

"What do you mean, 'someone like me'?" Anne replied, feeling slightly offended at her implication.

"I just mean, you were always such a lightweight at Queens," Ruby replied, defensively. "I am just surprised you aren't dying right now."

"Well, based on our little game last night, it seems our sweet Anne might not be so innocent anymore," Tilly said. Then turning to Anne, she added, "Tell me, who's the lucky guys? Is he cute?"

Anne was about to defend herself, realizing that maybe she should not have been so open about her experience the night before. Fortunately, Diana stepped in before she could say anything. 

"I think that's enough joking around," Diana said. "My parents are coming home tomorrow, and we need to clean this place up."

As their friend began to disperse, Diana walked over to Anne, gave her hand a squeeze, and said, "We'll talk later." 

\- 

Diana linked arms with Anne, and the two girls walked into Anne's bedroom at Green Gables. Anne pulled out her dead phone and plugged it into the charger next to her bed. 

"So, I saw Gilbert leave your room this morning," Diana said as Anne unpacked up her bag.

Anne paused and looked down, "Diane, it's not what you think."

"And what exactly, am a supposed to think, Anne?" Diana replied, sitting on Anne's bed.

"Would you believe me if I told you we just talked?"

"Well, I might have if Gilbert hadn't told me differently," Diana said. "I am not judging you, but I don't understand how you went from not speaking to him to sleeping with him again. I know he is charming, but you can't keep letting him take advantage of you."

"He didn't take advantage of me. It was. . ." Anne paused as she remembered him gently tucking her hair behind her ear. "It was nice."

"Anne, you were drinking a lot last night. I mean, five shots in a row for anyone would affect their judgment. He should have known better."

"I wasn't drunk, Diana!" Anne protested. "I can handle my alcohol just fine, thank you."

"That is exactly my point," Diana said as she got up and walked over to Anne's chest of drawers. She reached behind the dresser and pulled out a small bottle of vodka hidden in the crevasse behind the furniture. 

Anne looked with a shock that Diana knew about her stash of alcohol. A new wave of shame washed over her as she sat on her bed. The warm, burning sensation was the only thing that made her feel alive over the past few months. 

"I found a similar bottle in your dorm room at Redmond," Diana said, sitting next to Anne on her bed. "You have to understand what this looks like, Anne."

Anne looked up at Diana with shame. "I didn't think anyone would notice."

"I can't speak for everyone else, but I certainly did," Diana said gently. "You were different after Gilbert left, so I knew something was up. I did not realize until I came to visit before Christmas that you were using this as a coping mechanism. That is why it concerns me that you slept with him again."

"It was different this time," Anne replied defensively.

"That's what he said, too," Diana replied. "Look, I'm not saying that Gilbert is a bad guy. I know he had it rough this year, but I'm just worried that he might not be what _you_ need right now."

"I can't help it though. When I am with him, I cannot stop myself. It's like my body is drawn to him."

Diana thought for a moment and replied, "I felt like that with Jerry too. He made me feel things I did not know existed, but he was not good for me. In the long run, it would never have worked out. Do not get me wrong, Jerry was a great first boyfriend, and I do not regret losing my virginity with him, but what I have with Fred is so much better. There is a difference between attraction and love."

"I wish I had what you and Fred have, but it's not that simple," Anne said. "I think I am falling for him, Diana."

Diana let out a sigh and had an expression that Anne could not explain. 

"What about Roy?" Diana added finally. "Have you thought about how he might react to what happened last night?"

Anne had not thought about Roy since their conversation the day before. A wave of guilt washed over her as she realized she may have betrayed him. 

To be fair, they were not an official couple, so she was not sure if what she did was cheating, but it certainly felt like that. If she were honest with herself, she would be hurt if she learned he had slept with someone else over the break. 

"Roy is a good guy, but I don't know how I feel about him yet," Anne replied. "Everything with Gilbert happened so fast, I don't know what to think."

"I guess you have to figure that out for yourself, but before you make any decisions, you should try to remember how you felt when Gilbert left last summer. What he did, it was wrong, and it was not love. You must see that."

Anne took a moment to think over Diana's words. She remembered the heartache and the dark cloud that seemed to follow her around over the past six months, but she could not push aside the way she felt when Gilbert touched her. It was like her body came alive. She never wanted to feel the emptiness of her lost summer, but she also wanted to run into his arms again, so she could feel the passion she felt the night before. At that moment, she could not reconcile her feelings; everything was overwhelming her. 

Diana hugged her friend and said, "I know you'll make the right decision. Whatever that is."

When Diana left, Anne's heart was troubled. She laid on her bed, looking up at the ceiling, wondering if she would ever find the kind of love Diana had with Fred. 

Grabbing her phone, she looked over her alerts. There were a couple missed calls and two texts from Roy. What caught her eye first was a message from Gilbert. She scrolled past Roy's messages and went right to Gilberts.

Gilbert: Being with you last night was one of the best nights of my life. But, after last night, I realized all I want is to be with you, and I think you might feel the same. I have to say, though, I felt like a real tool when Diana told me you had a boyfriend. I would never want to come between you and him, especially if he will make you happy. Maybe we can talk when you get to town on Friday.

Anne's heart stopped as she reread Gilbert's words. These were the words she longed to hear all summer, and now they come when her heart and her brain were not working together. She spent the next 20 minutes drafting messages that she immediately deleted.

Frustrated that she could not find the right words, she quickly replied, asking him to meet her at the coffee shop next to the library before she needed to be at work. She did not know what she would say to him, but she knew she had until Friday to figure it out.

\- 

Anne had spent most of the days following New Year's Day in her room, reading her journals from the summer. Most of the entries were short stories of broken-hearted heroines with a tragic ending, but in between were entries of a broken girl. Anne almost did not recognize the girls who wrote them. She realized that maybe Diana was right about the effect Gilbert's departure had on her. How could she trust that he would not do it again? 

Friday came all too soon, and it was time for her to say goodbye to Matthew and Marilla. Much to her surprise, Matthew was not angry about the jacket, but she knew he was disappointed. She debated buying a new one in town but knew she could not afford it. She needed to save all her money for the upcoming semester. 

When they dropped her at the ferry early Friday morning, she waved goodbye from the boat, thankful that they chose her to be their daughter all those years ago. Matthew and Marilla were her rocks, and she knew she could count on them.

As she stepped off the ferry in Kingsport, she was surprised to see Roy walked toward her with a smile on his face. When he was almost in front of her, she began to say hello, but he never gave her a chance. 

Without skipping a beat, he reached down and kissed her. Placing one hand on her cheek and the other around her waist, he drew her into his body, deepening the kiss. Surprised by the embrace, Anne felt her cheeks flush, and her body react. 

Roy gently pulled away, but before he withdrew completely, he placed one more, light kiss on her lips. 

"I missed you," he said as he released her body.

"I um," Anne started, but was too flushed and overwhelmed by the romance of his action, she could not find her words. Placing her hand on her reddening cheek, she looked around at the people around them, wondering if they could feel her shock. 

Looking up into Roy's kind eyes, she found her balance again. Although, the only words she could form were, "Hi."

He smiled his melancholy smile, which made her smile shyly. 

"Phillipa told me when you were going to be here, and I thought I would surprise you. I hope you done mind?" He said with a look of worry at her response. 

Still trying to formulate her thoughts, she shook her head in reply.

"Good," he said as his face lit up. "I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to give you these."

In Roy's hand was a small bouquet of roses and a small square box. 

Anne looked at the gifts and felt guilty that she did not think about buying a gift for him. "Oh, Roy. You really didn't have to- "

"I wanted to get you something," he interrupted. "Open it."

She looked at the small white box and pulled her bag off her shoulder. Taking the box from him, she pulled off the ribbon and took the lid off. 

Inside she saw a small charm in the shape of a gazebo. 

"I saw this charm at the store when I was shopping with my mother, and it reminded me of you," He said as he touched the charm bracelet on her wrist. "I remember seeing you wear this when we went out to dinner. It seemed like the perfect gift."

Almost instantly, Anne was brought back to the rainy day they met, when they both sought shelter in the gazebo. 

"Oh, Roy," Anne said as she looked at the charm. In all her life, Anne had never had a more romantic gesture, and she felt herself realizing that Roy may be the sweetest boy she had ever met. 

Anne smiled up at him and brought her lips to his. Pulling back, she said, "Thank you. This is the sweetest gift."

"Anything for you, my dear Anne," he replied as he picked up her bag and slipped his arm around her shoulder. "Do you want to pick up lunch before I drop you off at your dorm?"

Looking at her watch, she remembered she had to meet Gilbert before work. Thinking of Gilbert, she felt guilt wash over her. Roy's request seemed so natural like it was the only thing she should be doing. In the comfort of his embrace, she thought maybe Roy was the person she wanted. 

Looking up to Roy, she said, "I can't. I am supposed to meet a friend later, and then I have to work."

"Ok," he replied, placing a peck on her cheek.

The two walked to his car, and he dropped her off at her dorm building. Before saying goodbye, he kissed her again, and this time, her body reacted to his. Anne let herself feel the romance from the day. 

When she reached her room on the fourth floor, she was surprised to see Phillipa in their room. 

"What are you doing here?" Anne asked as she set her bag on her bed.

"I needed to get away from my parents for the afternoon," Phillipa said as she hugged her friend.

"Why? What happened?" Anne asked.

"Oh, nothing really, they were just getting on me about choosing a major. My dad wants to study engineering, but I don't really know." Phillipa started but then turned to Anne was a sly smile. "Enough about me, tell me about Roy."

Anne's cheeks flushed as she thought about their kiss. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, I was at the Gardener's Christmas party, and Roy could not stop talking about you," Phillipa said. "That boy is smitten with you."

"Is that why you told him when I was coming home?" Anne said, with fake annoyance.

"I had to give him something," Phillipa said defensively.

"Well, I have to admit he is romantic."

Anne and Phillipa spend the next 20 minutes talking about Roy. Before she knew it, it was time to meet Gilbert. She packed her work clothes in her bag and headed for the library. Guilt filled her senses as she thought about Roy and Gilbert. Her time with Roy this afternoon only confused her more. She knew she was not fair to either of them.

-

Anne sat at a small table in the coffee shop next to the library. She watched the snow falling outside the window. It was starting to collect on the grass and sidewalk. Anne almost hated to see the footsteps ruin the blanket snow forming. Inside the coffee shop, it was unusually quiet for a typical Friday afternoon. Most students were home for the winter holiday. 

Anne nervously wiped her sweaty hands on her jeans and adjusted her scarf around her neck. Looking out the window, she saw Gilberts tall figure walking up the library steps. His messenger bag draped over his broad shoulders, and his hair had a dusting of snowflakes. He brushed his jacket and hair off before entering the building. 

The two caught each other's eye when he entered the coffee shop. Gilbert smiled and walked to her table. She stood to greet him. He leaned in as if to kiss her. Realizing what he was doing, she quickly turned her head, so his lips brushed her cheek. She needed to keep her head clear, and she knew if their lips touched, she would not want to stop. 

Gilbert pulled away with a confused look on his face. 

"Have you been waiting long?" He asked as he set his bag down.

"No, only a couple minutes," she replied, sitting down in her chair, picking up her coffee, and handing him his cup. "I got you a black coffee. I hope you don't mind." 

"Not at all," he replied, sitting down, taking a drink of the warm liquid. His smiled caused her heart to flutter. "You know me well."

"Well, it's not exactly complicated," she said with a small smile, trying to compose her fraying nerves.

He took another sip of his drink and said, "Man, you have no idea how much I missed a good cup of coffee when I was on the ship."

"I bet," she replied, fidgeting with the sleeve of her own drink. "This place makes surprisingly good coffee. Nothing like Java Jungle back at Queens."

Gilbert smiled. Java Jungle was the coffee shop he worked at during school. It was the first place she actually spent time with him and where their friendship blossomed. 

"Have to tell you, finding housing had been a nightmare," he continued leaning back slightly in his chair. "What dorm are you in again?"

"Blackmore house," she replied quickly. "Did you find housing then?" 

"Yeah, Ms. Stacey has a friend with a room to rent just off-campus. I think I walk by Blackmore House when I come to campus."

Anne only nodded in reply. She realized that she needed to get to the point of this conversation, but it was nice just talking to him.

"Were you able to take a class during the winter term?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm taking political science with Professor Johnson," Gilbert replied.

"Oh, I had Professor James for poly-sci last semester," Anne replied. "I heard Johnson's better, though. More entertaining."

"Well, he is certainly conservative, which surprised me," Gilbert said. "I'm pretty sure all I have to do to get an A is quote the Tories talking points."

Anne laughed, "That would be an easy A."

Anne looked down at her coffee again. She took a deep breath, and she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She did not know how to start the conversation that needed to happen between them. Gilbert looked at her with curiosity, he leaned forward to touch her hand, but she pulled it back before he could make contact. He furrowed his eyebrows and pulled his hand back. 

There was a small pause between them. He leaned back in his seat as if he, too, did not know how to broach the subject. 

"When did you get into town?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"Just this morning," she replied, finally looking up. "Roy picked me up."

He nodded in reply, looking down at his own cup.

"So, you and Roy are dating?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know. Maybe," she replied.

A wave of hurt washed over his face.

"I meant what I said in my text, Anne," he said, reaching across the table to hold her hand, this time, she could not resist. She closed her eyes at the contact. His warm hand brought feelings she could not face at that moment. "I want to be with you, and I think you feel the same way."

"Roy is a good guy, Gilbert," Anne replied, fighting the tears in her eyes. "He really likes me, and he deserves a chance."

She watched the rejection wash over his face. She hated herself for hurting him, but she forced herself to remember his callous rejection.

"What about the other night?" he asked, withdrawing his hand. "I thought we had a connection. You make me feel better in a way that I haven't felt in a long time."

For a moment, just a brief moment, she wanted to use his own words against him. The words that ran through her head a thousand times since last summer. _I didn't mean anything, Anne._ _It was about the release_. _It was about feeling like an ounce of a human_. At one time, she would have been able to use those words against him, but today, she could not. Instead, she reminded herself of the pain those words caused.

"The other night was wonderful," she replied, wiping the tears from her eyes. "It doesn't change the fact that you hurt me and left without even talking to me. How can you say you care about me when you treated me so badly?"

"I know I hurt you, Anne," he said, leaning closer as if resisting the urge to hold her. "I am so sorry for the way I treated you, and I will spend every day making it up to you."

"I believe you are sorry, but that doesn't mean we should be together."

"Anne," he hesitated, and then continued. "Are you saying this because of Roy?"

Anne shook her head, "I don't know, Gilbert. Roy, he's good to me, and I have to give him a chance."

"Alright," he said, nodding his head. "If you tell me that Roy will make you happy, then I'll back off, but I need to hear from you."

"Honestly, I don't know what will make me happy," she replied truthfully. She did not know if Roy could make her happy, but she knew that she could not wholly give herself to Gilbert. "All I know is that I don't trust you."

As soon as the word left her mouth, she wished she could take them back. They were too honest, too on the nose. She watched the horror wash over his face. In her attempt to be truthful, she found the words that hurt him most. She did not need to use his words against him; she only needed the truth.

Gilbert leaned back in defeat. He sat silently for a long time, processing her words. She could see the hurt in his eyes, and it broke her heart to see him in pain, especially because she was causing that pain. 

"I have to go," she said, breaking the silence. "I have to get to work."

She picked up her bag and got out of her seat. As she walked by him, he touched her arm.

"Before you leave, I, um, I have something for you," he said as he reached into his bag.

He pulled out a parcel wrapped in tissue paper and handed it to her.

"Gilbert, please, I can't take this from you," she replied, holding the parcel.

He did not look at her but said, "Really, take it. I have no use for it."

She hesitated but put the parcel under her arm and said, "Thank you."

He did not reply, so she walked out of the coffee shop.

Anne cried as she walked through the snow to the The Wall Bar and Grill. Walking into the bar, she made her way to the bathroom and locked the door behind. Thankful for the single person bathroom, she took a moment alone to compose herself. 

Setting the parcel on the counter, she slowly opened the packaging. Enclosed, she found a new white peacoat that matched the one that was ruined at Orchard Slope on New Year's Eve. The contents made tears fill her eyes and made her want to run back to the coffee shop and forgive him, but she stopped herself.

Resolving to control herself, Anne set a timer on her phone and let herself cry for one minute. For one minute, she let herself feel the pain of her conversation with Gilbert and the guilt of knowing she could have loved him if things were different.

When the timer went off, she washed her face, put on her work clothes, and vowed to enter a new phase in her life.


	8. Unspoken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Please Read*
> 
> Dear Kindred Spirits,
> 
> Thank you for all the kind comments and kudos. I did not know that my story would be so well loved. I don't normally write comments, because I want my work to speak for it's self. That being said, I think the next two or three chapters may be difficult for some of you. Please know that I love these two characters very much, and I could live in the world of Avonlea forever. I am thankful that you have put them in my care for this story. You have trusted me with them for the past seven chapters please trust me with them for a few more. It may be difficult, but I promise, there will be a happy ending.
> 
> Much love,
> 
> Stringtogether

In the weeks that followed their conversation, Gilbert had given Anne space. He could not bring himself back into that small coffee shop next to the library, even when one of his study groups planned to meet there. Her words had pierced his heart. While he wanted to let her figure out what she wanted, he too needed time to process. One thing he learned from his father is that trust is the most essential part of a relationship. He needed to earn her trust, but he was not sure how to do it. 

When he walked around the Redmond campus, he wondered when he would see her again. His eyes would instinctively travel to any flash of red. Every time his heart would sink with disappointment that it was not her. 

Then it happened; during the second week of the spring semester, when he was walking to the computer lab in the engineering building with his classmate, Jonah. He saw her red hair across the room. She looked beautiful with her silky locks flowing down her back and her green scarf wrapped around her neck. Gilbert watch as Anne's eyes scanned the room. She paused when she saw him. He raised his hand to say hello, and she raised a timid hand slightly in response. Even from across the room, he could see her big grey eyes drawing him in.

She turned and began talking to a girl with a bewitching smile and brown eyes. Before he could make his way over, the two girls left through a door across the room. As they left the room, Gilbert asked Jonah who the girl was. He informed Gilbert that the girl was Phillipa Gordon, Anne's roommate. 

The second time he saw her, he was on his way to campus for his Tuesday biology lab. He crossed the road and passed Blackmore Hall to see Anne walking out of the building. 

Picking up his pace to catch up with her, he said, "Hey, Anne."

She turned her head and stopped abruptly when she realized it was Gilbert who had called her name. 

"Oh. Hey, Gilbert," she replied, looking down and shifting her feet uncomfortably.

"Do you have a minute?" He asked.

"Um, I have a class in about 15 minutes," Anne replied, looking at her watch. 

"It will only take a minute," he replied, realizing he really did not know what he wanted to say.

Anne looked at her feet and said, "Can we talk while I walk? My class is across campus."

His face lit up with excitement, "Yes, of course."

Anne walked toward the pathway, and Gilbert followed. As they fell into a stride on the campus sidewalk, the two walked in silence. There was an awkwardness looming over them that seem insurmountable.

They were never lost for words in the past. Even when they argued, their conversations were never lacking. Suddenly, small talk felt like a task. Gilbert did not know what to say to her. Even though he wanted to engage with her to have some kind of connection again.

Gilbert realized he needed to say something. After all, it was him that initiated this conversation. 

"So, I know this is a little awkward, but I really don't want it to be," he said, looking over at her.

"It's not awkward," Anne said defensively.

Gilbert gave her a sideways look. 

She smiled and said, "Ok, it's a little awkward."

"I hate that it like this," he said. "I just want to be normal around you again."

"Gilbert, we can't just take everything back," Anne replied, suddenly walking a little faster.

Gilbert had to quicken his pace to keep up with her.

"I am not saying take everything back," he said, finally catching up with her. "I am just wondering if there is any way we could get past this?"

Anne stopped and looked at him with surprise saying, "Like, you want to be friends again?"

"I don't want to be just your friend," Gilbert said, turning to face her. 

"Gilbert, we talked about this," Anne signed, looking away from him.

Gilbert took a step closer. He longed to touch her delicate skin but clenched his hands at his sides.

"I know you said you wanted to give Roy a chance, but-"

"Well, you said you wouldn't come between us," Anne interrupted, looking up into his eyes.

"I said I would back off if you told me he would make you happy," Gilbert said.

Her brows furrowed with thought as she processed his words. He half expected her to pull away, but she stood frozen.

"You never said he would make you happy then," he said as he brought his hand to her cheek, running his finger along her jawline, causing her to close her eyes. "And if I am not mistaken, you can't say it now."

He could feel her lean into his touch as she parted her lips slightly, stirring a longing inside him that he knew he could not act on.

"I know we have a lot to work through," Gilbert continued, as he pulled his hand away, causing her to open her eyes, and he brought his lips close to her and said softly, "I am not going anywhere."

He pulled away slightly and looked into her eyes, smirking into her bewildered expression. He almost leaned in and kissed her luscious lips, but he did not want to fall apart in the middle of the quad. He decided to leave her wanting instead.

-

The Little Wallace Bar and Grill was a favorite among students at Redmond College. Sometime in the school's history, students started calling it "The Wall" for short, and the nickname stuck. The Wall was located between the football stadium and the hockey arena. Most students went there for dinner and drinks after games. 

Gilbert, Charlies, and Moody had just found a table at The Wall on a cold February evening. The bar was unusually slow for a Friday night. Maybe it was the cold weather, or perhaps it was the school's hockey team was playing their rival two towns away, but for an upcoming holiday, Gilbert expected more students to be out enjoying their long weekend.

On the other hand, Gilbert had a microbiology textbook on the table and was trying half-heartedly to review for an exam the following week. In another attempt to make up for his lost semester, he had talked his guidance counselor into signing off on letting him take an extra class this semester. In hindsight, he did not consider the difficulty of a pre-med schedule. He spent most of his time either in his room studying or in the library. While challenging, he appreciated the brutal schedule he created for himself, so he did not have to think about Anne.

Since returning the school, Moody and Charlie had been intent on getting him out of his solitude. They were oblivious to the reasons for his self-imposed isolation, and he appreciated their ignorance. 

"Gilbert put the book away," Moody said. "We are here to enjoy a night off, and you are killing the vibe."

Gilbert pulled his eyes away from his book and looked around the bar, "I think this bar is killing the vibe. I thought this was supposed to be a popular place?"

"It usually is," Charlie replied. "It's early. Maybe everyone is still at the game."

Gilbert rolled his eyes and looked back at a streptococcus bacteria diagram, trying to determine which kind it was.

He was debating between streptococcus pneumoniae and streptococcus aureus when Moody interrupted his thoughts.

"Gilbert, come one," Moody said, pulling Gilbert's book away. "You have all weekend to study. Can't you just take one night off?"

Gilbert thought about Moody's request. While he was supposed to know the different streptococcus traits before his study group the next day, he knew he needed a break. Since his winter term class, he did not have a free weekend, which took its toll on his energy and demeanor. He had also not spent any time with his friends since coming to school, and he missed them.

"Fine," Gilbert signed, "but I am not staying out all night. I have a study group tomorrow at 8:00."

"Good," Charlie said as he took Gilbert's book out of Moody's hand, "I am keeping this until we leave."

Moody slapped his hands together with excitement, "First round is on me!"

"Oh, I don't think I should drink tonight," Gilbert replied a little reluctantly. "As fun as that sounds, I need a clear head for my study group."

"Well, you better decide now because here comes Anne," Charlie said, leaning back in his chair.

Gilbert's heart stopped for a moment. He had only seen Anne twice since the fateful day in the coffee shop. He did not realize that Anne worked at The Wall when Moody and Charlie invited him there. The prospect of seeing her brought a wave of excitement over his spirit. 

Gilbert smirked as he remembered their last encounter and the way she looked when he walked away. Her face was full of longing and bewilderment. It was the only conversation they had in the six weeks since their meeting in the coffee shop. Now she was coming, and he knew he had to live up to his statement.

He felt her before he saw her. Her sweet smell overwhelmed his senses. She walked up to the table, standing only a few feet from him. It may have been the blood rushing through his veins, but he was sure he could feel the heat radiating off her as she stood at the edge of their table between him and Moody, holding her note pad.

"Hey guys," her sweet voice rang through his ears. "Sorry about the wait. What can I get you?"

Gilbert looked up at her, but her eyes were downcast, focusing on her notepad. Her hair pulled loosely back, causing a few stray strands to fall in her face. It never ceased to amaze him how she could stir feeling him by merely being in his presence. He ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to calm his fraying nerves. 

"Anne Shirley," Charlie started. "You are looking lovely as ever."

Gilbert looked at Charlie and wondered if he still had a thing for Anne. The thought made him clench his fist with jealously, that Charlie could so openly compliment her.

"Thank you, Charlie," Anne replied uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact with Gilbert. "Can I get you guys started with something to drink?"

"Yes," Moody stepped in, "A pitcher of beer and three glasses, please."

"No," Gilbert said, and his sudden response caused Anne to look at him.

Finally, he could see her grey eyes, and he suddenly felt better. His nerves relaxed, and the stress of his self-imposed schedule seeped out of him, creating a peace that he only felt when Anne was near. 

He let out a breath he did not know he was holding and said, "No beer for me, please. I'll just have a coke."

"Gilbert!" both Charlie and Moody interrupted. 

"Seriously, guys," he replied, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from Anne. "I have an early day."

"Ok," Anne said, shifting on her feet. "So, a pitcher with two glasses and a coke. Any appetizers?"

She spoke fast as if she wanted to get away from the table as quickly as possible. 

Moody ordered some nachos for the group. When Anne walked away, he felt the air shift from her movement. He longed to reach out and touch her but knew he couldn't. Not here, not now, and judging by her reaction to him tonight, maybe not ever again. 

When Anne returned with their drinks, her hand grazed his as he reached for his glass. The contact sent a wave of warmth through his body.

She must have felt it too because she looked at him with her eyes full of shock, but also something else. He couldn't put his finger on it, but maybe they were reflecting his longing to be close again. All too soon, she pulled her hand away quickly and left the table. This time he watched her go. 

From that moment on, Gilbert could not take his eyes off Anne. Her movement from one table to the next, the way her hips moved in her black pants as she leaned over to serve another patron's food. 

Anne was a studious server. She checked in regularly and made sure her patron's drinks were always full. The guy's food came quickly, and the atmosphere in the pub was picking up. The bar was steadily getting busier, which meant Anne was moving around more often. Gilbert took each opportunity to watch her. He could see her talking animatedly to her customers. 

He felt a ping jealously when she would throw her head back laughing at some unheard joke. He long to be able to talk to her in the carefree way her customers did. Every time she came to their table, an awkwardness reminded him of their conversation a few days before. Maybe he had pushed her too far, and she did not want him the way he thought she did.

When Moody and Charlie were working on their third pitcher of beer, Anne came to the table.

"Hey guys," she said, pulling out their bill. "My shift is ending soon, so I am going to have to close out your tab."

Charlie let out a small "Awe, man."

"You guys are welcome to stay. Stella is taking over my tables," Anne added, pointing the server at the next table.

"Great!" Moody said, pulling out his wallet. "I got this tonight, guys."

Moody handed her his credit card, and Anne walked back behind the bar to process their payments.

As she walked back to their table, she paused and looked at the door as if someone had called her name. Gilbert followed her gaze and saw the dark-haired guy from the picture on Anne's phone. He could only assume it was Roy Gardner. Gilbert watched as Anne's face lit up with a smile, and she walked over to him. She greeted him with a hug and friendly kiss on the cheek.

Watching her interact with Roy with such affection caused another wave of jealously. While he had never met Roy, he already hated him. He hated that he could touch Anne's waste while he hugged her or look into her eyes with such affection. Gilbert had to actively stop himself from confronting him. 

Anne talked with Roy for a couple of minutes and walked over to their table. 

"I am headed out now," she said as she handed Moody his receipt. "If you need anything, Stella will be around in a few minutes."

Anne walked back to the bar where Roy was sitting and began talking to him again. Gilbert watched as she casually placed her hand on his shoulder, drawing herself closer to him. The action showed a closeness that he didn't realize they had. Grabbing her bag from behind the counter, Anne walked toward the bathroom. 

After several minutes, Gilbert excused himself from the table. He casually walked by the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of water.

The waitress Anne pointed out as Stella was talking to Roy.

"Anne's just getting changed. Can I get you anything while you wait?" Stella asked.

"No. I'm good, but thank you," Roy replied in a nauseatingly melancholy voice that Gilbert knew made girls swoon. 

"So, where are you taking Anne tonight?" Stella asked. "She said she needed to dress nice."

"My parents have season tickets to the Kingsport Philharmonic," Roy replied. "I thought it would be a nice date for our two-month anniversary."

"You've been together two months?" she replied.

"Our first date was back in December."

Gilbert could not listen anymore. He did not want to listen to the plans Roy had for Anne, not when it should be him, Gilbert, making plans.

He thought about heading back to his table, but then he thought about Anne. In a split-second decision, he decided to head toward the hallway that led to the bathrooms. As he turned the corner, the noise from the bar died down, and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. His mind running the conversation he just heard through his head. 

As he reached for the bathroom door, Anne stepped out of the bathroom and almost ran into his chest. She stumbled backward, and he instinctively stepped forward to catch her. With one hand on her waste the other on her elbow, he could finally feel her warm, comforting contact again. 

Her hair, now down, falling into her face. The face that he fanaticized about for months while on the ship. The face that just a few weeks ago in Orchard Slop that was filled with passion and longing. Looking at her now, his willpower to give her space became fleeting. At that moment, all he wanted to have her in his arms again. 

She looked up at him in shock and started to pull away, with an apology on her lips. Weeks of yearning, combined with jealously of seeing her in Roy's arms, create an explosive passion inside him. Before she could form the words, he walked her backward until her back was flush against the wall. Pinning her body between him and the wall, he brought his hands to her cheeks. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at him, and her hands rested on his arms. 

Before he knew what he was doing, his lips were on hers. Their teeth clash briefly, and he slips his tongue into her mouth. He heard a small noise escape her lips as his hands travel down to her hips, pulling her closer. She ignited under his touch. Her hands found his hair and pulled him closer. Her tongue begging entrance into his mouth as his hands found the exposed skin on her waist. She lets out a full-on moan when his lips find the hollow of her neck.

Finding the handle of the door, he pulls her into the bathroom, pushing her back into the door.

Inside the room, he picks up where he left off, running his hands over her hips and bringing his lips back to her neck. Breathing heavily, her arms went around his neck, and her fingers find his hair again. She pulled his hair back and brought his lips back to hers once again, causing him to moan into her mouth.

With their bodies pressed together, he moved his hand around her backside as if trying to pull her closer. When he felt her hips rotate against him, he groaned as he felt himself growing hard from the sensation. 

Then just as suddenly as it started, Anne stopped. She pulled her hands out of his hair and dragged her body away from him. Gilbert stepped back, reluctantly letting her out of his grip. 

Without looking at him, Anne walked over to the bathroom counter. Gilbert watched her in the mirror as she pulled her hair over one side of her shoulder, revealing her delicious collar bone. Anne looked down at the sink as if trying to compose herself, and she placed both hands on the counter. She was breathing heavily.

Gilbert stood there watching her for what felt like several minutes. He wondered if he made a mistake coming back here. He did not want to leave, but he could tell she was having a battle of consciousness. Feeling like maybe her conscience might win, he reached for the door handle.

As his hand touched the doorknob to exit, she looked up, and their eyes met in the mirror. In her big grey eyes, he saw the passion and longing he had felt all evening, and he knew he could not leave. She wanted him, just as much as he needed her. After seeing her with Roy and hearing his conversation with Stella, he needed to prove to her, or maybe himself, that she was his.

She watched him as he twisted the lock of the bathroom door. Without losing eye contact in the mirror, he walked over to her. He placed his hands on her hips, drawing her back to his chest. Her breathing started to pick up again as he ran his hands over her stomach, and he brought his lips to the exposed skin of her neck. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head to the side to give him better access and brought her hand to his hair again. 

When he felt her push her backside against his groin, he felt himself growing hard again. He looked up at her in the mirror. In her eyes, he saw his own passion reflecting back at him.

When she rolled her hips again, he realized she wanted this too. 

Stepping back slightly, he turned her around and looked into her eyes, silently asking for permission.

She nodded slightly and brought her arms around his neck. He smirked and lifted her up onto the counter, causing her to let out a small laugh.

Her laugh was muffled by his lips as his tongue found hers again. 

He brought her hips to the edge of the counter and settled in the space between her legs. He groaned into her mouth as she rotated her hips against him again. Running his hands down her thighs, he realized that she had changed her clothes. No longer in the black pants and white shirt, but she was wearing a black shirt that exposed swells of her breast perfectly and a tan skirt that flowed to her black boots. 

Gilbert brought his lips to the exposed skin of her chest and pulled the edge of her skirt up, trying to find her warm skin. Finally, his hands felt the soft skin of her thighs, and he ran his hands up until he found the edge of her panties. Running his hand over her core, he could feel her wetness through her pants. She moaned when his hand hit her sensitive center through her panties. 

Continuing to stroke her through her panties, he nearly lost control when she reached between them and began to work the button of his pants. Following her lead, he pulled her panties over her hips and down her legs. When he returned to the cradle of her legs, she finished opening his jeans' button, slipping them over his hips. All too quickly, she slipped her hand into his boxer, released his hard erection, and aligned him with her centers.

He groaned as he felt her wetness covered his tip as she guilds it through her folds. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he anticipates entering her fully. Looking up at Anne, Gilbert watched as she threw her head back and closes her eyes as he slowly eases into her. Stretching her with every inch of his invasion, she lets out a small, breathy moan that nearly makes him fall apart. His lips find her delicious neck again as he slowly eases out, only to be pulled back in by her hands on his hips. 

Being inside her warm walls was otherworldly, but when she rocked her hips against him to meet each of his thrust made it almost impossible for him to hold on. When his hands reached under her shirt to cup her bra covered breasts, he felt her hard nipples under his palm. She pushed her breast against his hand, causing her back to arch, creating a delicious friction between them. 

The sound of their skin slapping and her wetness sliding over his hard erection was like music to his ears. It was like a symphony that only played during his lonely nights without her. He knew he could live inside her for the rest of his life.

It wasn't just the phenomenal way she moved her body that drove him crazy, but more the way her lips fit between her teeth when she was close to her release, or the seven freckles speckled on her perfect nose, or her flushed cheeks as she moans. No other woman could make him feel comforted, secure, and at peace like this woman writhing around him.

Moving his hand into her silky hair, he could feel her start to fall apart around him. Her eyes dilated as her movements become more purposeful. As her body suddenly tensed, he felt her walls clench around him, and he knew she had found her release. Her tight walls milk him, and he pushed himself further into her with hard strokes, trying to be deeper to have more of her around him. With each thrust, he felt himself building towards his own release. Then with one hand on her breast and the other in her hair, he let himself go. With a low groan and stammered breath felt Anne's lips on his, and he was lost with the release and pleasure that he only felt with Anne.

Slowly Gilbert came back to his senses as Anne's head fell unceremoniously on his shoulder. For a quiet moment, they stare at each other. Still buried deep inside, with their chest close together and both breathing heavy in the afterglow of their intimacy. 

Their moment was interrupted, though, by a soft knock on the door.

"Anne?" came a soft voice through the door. Gilbert thought it might be Stella. "Anne, are you still in there?"

Pulling her eyes away from Gilbert, Anne looked at the door with a startled expression. He quickly pulled out and fixed his pants.

Anne hopped off the counter and adjusted her closes.

"Anne?" Stella asked again.

"Yes, I'm here," Anne said with a croaky voice. "Just give me a minute."

Gilbert leaned down and picked her panties from the floor. When he handed them to Anne, she gave him a panicked look. 

"Ok, Roy was just wondering what was taking you so long," Stella called through the door.

"Yeah," Anne replied, looking in the mirror to wiping her smudged makeup. "Tell him I'll be out in a minute."

"Ok," Stella said, and they could hear her footsteps back into the bar.

Anne frantically pulled on her panties and turned back to the mirror. Gilbert did not stay to watch her any longer. Maybe it was because he had done what he had been longing to do since the morning he woke at Orchard Slope, or perhaps he could not bring himself to watch her get ready for a night with Roy. Either way, he left the bathroom without turning back. 

When he returned to the table, Charlie and Moody were finishing yet another pitcher of beer. Both boys were somewhat tipsy and laughing at some joke that Gilbert did not hear. His mind was still in the bathroom with Anne. He knew that nothing changed between them tonight and that he still needed to prove that she could trust him. Only now he knew what he wanted and how he was going to get it.

A few minutes later, Gilbert watched as Anne emerged from the bathroom. Her cheeks looked flushed, and her eyebrows furrowed as she walked up to Roy. Roy stood up with his arms open, looking at her up and down, obviously commenting on her outfit. Gilbert clenched his fist at the thought of him looking at her like that. Roy wrapped his arm around Anne's shoulder, but she looked slightly uncomfortable. She smiled her insincere smile as they walked out of the bar. Gilbert smirked at the interaction, knowing that it was not Roy who would be on Anne's mind that night. 


	9. The Ides of March 23rd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see notes at the beginning of the last chapter

March 23rd will live in Gilbert's mind for the rest of his life. It was the day that he knew his life would never be the same. For March 23rd was the day his father was checked into hospice care. John's doctor explained there was nothing else they could do and could only offer him comfort, proposing only a few more weeks, maybe months, of life. John had come to terms with his illness long before Gilbert, but it was not until Gilbert took his father to the hospice center that it became real to him. His father was going to die.

Upon checking him into the facility, the date seems to be on every surface and document. Gilbert signed several forms, each containing the date.

He seemed to have written the date a hundred times that day. Although he would have taken signing a million documents to never relive the night, he went home to an empty house. 

The house was cold, dark, and empty, as if all laughter and happiness were forgotten with his father. As he walked around turning on lights, trying in vain to make the house feel like a home, he realized that we would have to learn how to care for himself. He did not know how to cook or keep a house. 

As he was preparing roman noodles for dinner that night, he realized John would never see this house again, and the thought made Gilbert's heartbreak. Even more than the night of his father's death, this night became the most painful night of his life. On the night of his father's death, Gilbert moved in with the Cuthbert's, which brought a comfort he did not appreciate at the time. 

Now on the first anniversary of that date, Gilbert was troubled. For some strange reason, March 23rd was haunting him. The first time he saw the date was on an invitation to a scholarship reception.

He has earned the prestigious Avery scholarship while attending Queens. The patrons of the scholarship offered a grand reception for the recipients and alumni.

It was a great honor to win the scholarship, but Gilbert decided early on he did not want to attend the reception. He did not feel up to mingling with staff and alumni at a party that did not interest him.

In addition to the date written in metallic letters on the invitation, March 23rd was haunting him in his classes. It seemed that every class had something due on March 23rd. Some were homework assignments, while others were larger projects, but every time he read the date, he was brought back to that fateful day a year ago when he finally came to terms with his father's impending death.

To make matters worse, his advances with Anne were not making any headway in winning her back. He had been so busy with his classes he had little time to pursue her. 

He sent her flowers on her birthday. He found a bouquet of wildflowers that reminded him of the fields of Avonlea. He asked the florist to add violets as the centerpiece because they were her favorite. 

He knew Anne would love the flowers, but the pride he felt by them were squashed when he heard through the grapevine that Roy's gesture was grander and more romantic. Apparently, according to Fred, Roy has filled her dorm room with roses. Even her bed had rose peddles scattered across the comforter.

The only comfort Gilbert got from his conversation with Fred was that Anne did not care for roses. She had told Gilbert years before that while roses were a sign of romance, they lacked the representation of affection, modesty, faith, nobility, intuition, and dignity that only violets symbolized.

His birthday gift did win him a sweet thank you text message from Anne. They exchanged friendly conversation via text message, but nothing significant came from the conversation. 

He did not see her on campus either. He spent most days looking out for her, but outside of loitering in front of Blackmore Hall, he could not find a way to organically run into her. On one desperate day, he dropped by the Wall, hoping she would be there, but it turned out to be her day off. Apart from stocking, he had to wait until she reached out to him. 

Then last week she called him late one evening. He was up late working on his paper for western tradition when her sweet face appeared on his phone. Her voice was quiet and distant and lacked its usual flair and optimism. She barely spoke above a whisper, and there seemed to be a humming in the background. When he asked if she was okay, she paused as if there was something she longed to say but could not. When asked a second time, she said she was okay.

They talked for almost a half-hour about old times in Avonlea and Queens, but their recent encounters seemed like an off-limits discussion. He was so thankful to be talking to her that he did not press the issues between them. He thought maybe a simple conversation could rebuild the broken relationship between them.

She asked if he planned to go to the Avery receptions, but Gilbert told her he had been working so hard throughout the semester that he seemed to have overload himself and lacked the energy to make small talk with people he did not know. She laughed and said she agreed that it may be very dull. 

At the end of their conversation, Anne told him it was good to talk to him and ended the call before they could really talk about their relationship or lack of a relationship.

When it was over, he was even more confused. What had the conversation meant? He spent the next couple of days trying to decipher her cryptic behavior and seriously wondered if maybe he could not win her back. 

Then Friday, March 23rd, rolled around. He was already tired from school and feeling himself falling into the despair that only March 23rd could bring as he sat in the library that afternoon.

Looking down at his paper, his mood worsened by the 73% he received on a research paper for western traditions. The report was worth 40% of his grade. 

Looking over his mediocre paper, he felt like he wanted to quit school. He had worked hard on that paper, only receive an almost failing grade.

Therefore, instead of reading his chemistry textbook as he planned, he wondered if he could be happy working the farm with Bash. 

Gilbert was pulled from his disparaging thoughts when Jonah walked up to his table, followed closely by Phillipa Gordon. 

"Hey Gil," Jonah said. "Can I sit at your table? There is a group of girls over there talking loudly, and it's impossible to concentrate."

"Sure," Gilbert replied, moving his books and papers he had strewn all over the table. 

"Thanks, man. I really appreciate it."

Gilbert nodded and looked up at Phillipa, who was looking expectantly at Jonah. 

"Oh, yeah," Jonah looked up at her, "Have you met Gilbert?"

Phillipa looked at Gilbert, who stood and shook her hand, "No, I haven't. I am Phillipa Gordon. Nice to meet you."

"Gilbert Blythe, likewise," Gilbert said, sitting down again.

"Wait," Phillipa said, as her eyes lit up with recognition. "Are you the Gilbert Blythe who went to Queen?"

"Yeah, I went to Queens last year."

He thought maybe Anne may have mentioned him. The thought made his insides puff with pride, as if maybe March 23rd may not haunt him again this year. 

"I knew I read your name before; I mean, how many Gilbert Blythe's could there be?" she replied with a hint of laughter and looking down at Jonah as if he should laugh too. 

Gilbert looked at her, confused. "Read his name"? Was Phillipa reading Anne's journal? 

Phillipa, reading his confused expression, added, "You were on the list of students who received the Avery scholarship."

Realizing that maybe Anne had not mentioned him to Phillipa made his heart sink again. He did not even matter enough to Anne for her to mention him to her roommate. 

"Um, yeah," he replied when he regained his composure. "I was one of two students who won it at Queen. Did you get it too?"

"Yes," she replied, "That means you are coming to the reception tonight. See Jonah, you will know someone. Jonah has just agreed to be my date tonight."

Gilbert looked a Jonah with surprise. Not that Jonah was not an ugly guy, he just was not up to Phillipa Gordon's caliber. Gilbert was surprised by the paring, and apparently, by the look on Jonah's face, he was too. 

"Really," Gilbert said, looking at Jonah. "Well, I hate to break it to you, Jo, but you still won't know anyone at the receptions. I am not going."

"What!" Phillipa exclaimed. "But you have to go. You got the scholarship; they will be expecting you."

"I wrote a very nice thank you letter last summer," Gilbert replied. "I am sure no one will care if I am there or not."

Phillipa looked at him with shock and then turned to Jonah, "I can't believe it. Anyway, I must run, but I'll see you tonight."

Jonah nodded, "Six o'clock at your dorm."

"Correct," she said, kissing his cheek, taking him by surprise, and then added, "Blackmore Hall, third-floor room 23."

Gilbert and Jonah watched as Phillipa glided off toward the elevator. When she was gone, Gilbert turned to Jonah with a smile.

"So, Phillipa Gordon," Gilbert said with a teasing voice. 

Jonah blushed with embarrassment, "I know! I can't believe it either. I mean, have you seen her?"

"Yes, of course, she is hot."

"I can't for the life of me figure out why she likes me. I mean, a girl like her would not give me the light of day at my high school. And now suddenly, one of the hottest girls in school wants to go out with me."

"I don't see why that is a problem, Jonah. You are a cool guy, and she probably likes that you are not throwing yourself at her like all the other guys. That reception is going to be dull. I wouldn't blame her if she wants to have a real conversation with someone at this party tonight."

"Gilbert, you have to come to the reception tonight," Jonah pleaded, looking terrified. "I am going to make a fool of myself."

Gilbert looked as insecurity embed itself into Jonah's kind features, and he felt terrible for Jonah. Unfortunately, Gilbert's sympathy did not change his plans to avoid the Avery reception at all costs. 

"Sorry, man, it's not going to happen," Gilbert replied. "As much as I would like to help, that reception is the last thing I want to go to today."

In the few weeks he had known Jonah, he had turned into a friend. He was smart, not in an annoying way. In fact, Gilbert knew for a fact that Jonah had the top grade in his western tradition class. It was then that Gilbert thought about his "C" paper and thought Jonah might help. 

"Hey," Gilbert said, reaching for his paper. "Would you look at this paper for me and tell me what I did wrong?"

Jonah looked over Gilbert's paper and then said, "It's actually rather good. I think he marked you down because you were supposed to use primary sources as your source material. The majority of your sources are secondary. I think if you hadn't done that, this would have been at least a 'B' paper, if not an 'A.'"

Gilbert signed, "That sucks. I can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. Now, I'll have to get an 'A' on the midterm and final to make up for this."

There was a brief pause between them.

"I could help," Jonah said, suddenly with a mischievous grin. "If I make sure you get an 'A' in the class, will you go to the reception tonight?"

The request took Gilbert by surprise. He really did need to keep his grades up to keep his scholarships. Jonah had a look of desperation that he could not deny. Jonah must have been determined for a wingman for this reception. In all honesty, Gilbert had not liked the idea of going alone either. The reception might also create an opportunity to talk to Anne.

"Fine, I'll go, but I will not be a third wheel."

-

Three hours later, Gilbert was waiting in the lobby of the Garden Village Hotel in downtown Kingsport. He wore his only suit but realized quickly that he was far too under dressed for the evening as he looked around. He watched as other guests arrived in tuxedos and ball gowns. Even Jonah's tuxedo made him look much more presentable than Gilbert.

Slowly the room began to fill with people. Phillipa was in her element as she dragged Jonah from table to table, talking to the other guests. If it had been another day, preferably not March 23rd, Gilbert might have been able to network just as well as Phillipa. Unfortunately, he was only here for Jonah, and the other guest were nothing more than people filling the room. 

After picking up his second vodka coke from the bar, he watched Phillipa and Jonah make their way quickly to the entrance. He immediately realized who they were greeting. 

As if in slow motion, he watched Anne entered the reception hall. She wore a blue dress that hugged her hips and ran down to the floor. Then she turned to reveal her backless dress that exposed her creamy skin down to the small of her back. Her lovely red hair was pinned to one side of her head, so her mane of soft curls fell delicately over her shoulder. Gilbert had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. 

Gilbert watched Phillipa and Anne greet each other with a kiss on their cheeks. Anne's face was lit up with excitement. Her smile was bright and welcoming. He could see Jonah being pulled into her presence. 

Just as he was about to make his way over to her, he stopped in his tracks as he saw Roy Gardner walk up behind Anne and wrap his arm gently around her waist. Gilbert's stomach turned as he watched Roy's hand glide over Anne's bareback and rest on the small of her back. Anne turned to him and placed her hand on his chest as he placed a kiss on her flushed cheek. 

Gilbert felt pain building inside of him. Anne had come to the reception with Roy. Their relationship had continued as if he, Gilbert, had not made it clear he wanted her back. He thought coming here would be a mistake, but he did not realize how difficult it would be to see Anne. He had hoped she would have ended her relationship with Roy after their last encounter at The Wall. Still, obviously, as they were here together looking ridiculously happy, he had been wrong. 

He watched as Roy whispered something into Anne's ear that made her laugh. The sight of Roy looking at Anne with such compassion made his insides turn. He had to remove his eyes away from the group. His emotions were too raw tonight to decipher every look and touch between Anne and Roy.

His day had been filled with too many terrible memories of his lonely life to put up a fight tonight. She could have her time with Roy. 

Gilbert stopped at the bar for another drink. This time, though, he asked for his drink without the coke.

As he sat at the table, he thought about how wrong he had been in all aspects of his relationship with Anne. Every step seemed to be clouded with terrible judgment and misunderstandings. He wished he could go back to that night in June and maybe do things differently.

For a little while, Gilbert daydreamed about how different things could be if he had only kept his hands to himself that night. He could have developed a normal relationship with Anne. He could have told her to wait for him to come back, and they could have started something new and simple upon his return. 

Before he could map out a timeline of utter happiness, Phillipa and Jonah returned to the table. The two settled close together as the MC announce the night events. 

Gilbert brought his attention to the MC, who said, "Before we start the events tonight, I would like to introduce the Chairwomen of the Avery Scholarship. Thanks to Mrs. Avery-Gardner and her husband, Mr. Gardner, we have this lovely reception hall. Please give a round of applause to Mrs. Avery-Gardner."

The crowd broke into applause, but Gilbert leaned over to Phillipa, "Do the Gardner's own this hotel?"

"Yes," she replied quietly. "The Gardner's own all the Garden Village Hotels in Canada. Carlton is a real estate mogul here in Kingsport."

Gilbert nodded in reply but realized that Roy's family must be incredibly wealthy. Mrs. Avery-Gardner's speech was predictable, with words of thanks to the scholarship donors and praise to the recipients. Rolling his eyes at the speech's predictability, he vowed to leave the moment the addresses and acknowledgments were done. 

Then Mrs. Avery-Gardner said, "This year, we have an unprecedented event for the Avery Scholarship. For the first time in our long history, two students from the same school have earned this scholarship. Both students showed great potential, and our board voted unanimously to include both students in this year's running for the scholarship. "

Listening to the speech, Gilbert thought about how he had been so wrapped up in funeral preparation and estate meetings, he had not been present when Queen announced the winners of the Avery Scholarship. He did not realize that it was unheard of for two students from the same school to win the scholarship. 

Then Mrs. Avery-Gardner continued, "I would like to take a moment to honor these outstanding students from Queen Prep Academy. If Mr. Blythe and Ms. Shirly-Cuthbert, please stand."

It was moments like these that made Gilbert dread these events. He shot Jonah a dirty look, who looked apologetic. As the crowd broke into applause, Gilbert slowly rose to his feet. He longed to blend into the crowd, but now he was standing in front of 200 people. He looked around the room and made eye contact with Anne for the first time that night. 

She looked at him in surprise. He could not tell if her surprise was because he told her he would not be there that night or if she too did not realize that it was odd that they both won the scholarship.

Again, Mrs. Avery-Gardner continues, "I have had the unique pleasure of getting to know Anne over the past couple of weeks, and I am honored to say that her kindness and grace is one of her many admirable traits. I have not had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Blythe yet, but like the other recipients, I will ensure to engage each and every one of you this evening."

Mrs. Avery-Gardner continued and took a moment to address each recipient individually. Then another man stepped up to the podium for another dull speech. 

Gilbert was listening half heartily when he heard Phillipa speak quietly to Jonah, "Anne was so nervous meeting Roy's family last week. I knew she would make a good impression. Plus, Marlene and Carlton are so nice. I knew she did not have anything to worry about."

"Oh, so they didn't just meet tonight?" Jonah asked.

"No, Anne didn't want tonight to be awkward. She was worried if they didn't like her, and the whole night would be ruined. The Gardner's take a lot of pride in this reception."

Upon hearing Phillipa's words, Gilbert thought about his last conversation with Anne when she called him in the middle of the night. She had asked if he planned on coming to the reception tonight. With anger and frustration, he realized that this was the purpose of her call. She did not call to rebuild their broken relationship. She wanted to make sure he could not ruin her night with Roy and his perfect little family.

For the first time he could remember, he felt anger toward Anne. It was not that what she had done was wrong. It was the fact that she was more concerned about her relationship with Roy than how she was playing with his emotions. He would have given anything for a conversation with her, and she used that for her own means. 

Gilbert suddenly felt the urge to leave. He needed to get home, so he would not lash out his frustration on someone who did not deserve it. He did not care that he would be leaving Jonah on his own. Looking at the couple now, his concerns for Jonah faded as he watched them lean into each other in deep conversation as if the world could not interrupt their infatuation with one another. 

As soon as the last speech concluded, Gilbert started to make his way to the balcony overlooking the bay. He thought maybe some fresh air would calm his nerves. As he stepped into the cold March air, he was stopped by a deep voice calling his name. He turned around to see a man with dark hair with a speckle of silver around his ears. He had kind eyes, with lines around them. Gilbert looked the man over. He looked familiar in an odd way as if he had seen this man in his younger years. But for the life of him, he could place how he knew him. 

"You are Gilbert Blythe?" he asked.

"Yes," Gilbert replied. "Do I know you?"

"Well, not officially," the tall, dark-haired man replied. "I knew your father. I am sorry to hear that he passed. He was a good man."

"You knew my father?"

"Yes, we went to college together. I was a groom's man at his wedding," the man replied.

As he looked at the man again, and he realized that he had seen this man before in his parent's wedding pictures. 

"I am Jim Crawford," Jim said as they guided Gilbert toward the banister of the balcony, where it was quieter. "Your father went to Redmond with me many years ago. He chose to live the farm life, but we spent two years studying together."

"I knew he went to Redmond, but I have never met any of his friends," Gilbert replied, feeling like he missed a whole part of his father's life.

"I was intrigued when I saw your name on the list of recipients of the Avery Scholarship. Your dad must have been so proud when he learned of it."

Gilbert looked down. His father never knew he won the scholarship. He died before the winners were announced.

"I, um, he didn't. . ." Gilbert started but could not bring himself to continue.

Jim seemed to understand as once, "That's right, they announce the winners in June. He must have just missed it."

Gilbert nodded. He suddenly felt the pain of his father's death again, and he really did not want to share that pain with a stranger, even if he knew his father. In fact, he did not want to talk to anyone right now. He needed to leave.

Turning away from Jim, he said, "Look, Mr. Crawford, I-"

"Dr. Crawford," Jim interrupted. 

"Oh, sorry, Dr. Crawford," Gilbert continued. "I was just about to leave, but it was nice meeting you."

"Before you go, I just wanted to give you something," Dr. Crawford replied, reaching into his jacket pocket.

Gilbert stopped and looked at the bay in front of him. He wanted to tell Dr. Crawford that he could not talk anymore, especially about his father, not today, not on March 23rd.

"I found this picture in an old photo album," Dr. Crawford said, showing Gilbert the photo. "It was taken when your parents were moving to Alberta. They stopped by our place on their way out there. I believe your mom was pregnant with you at the time."

Gilbert looked down at the happy family in the photo. His dad had always told him that they were in love until the end, and now he could see it with his own eyes. His mother, who he never met, looked very pregnant but had a bright smile on her face. His father's arms wrapped around her. Gilbert looked so much like his father in this photo, only he had inherited his mother's hazel eyes. 

"I was hoping to give this to you tonight," Dr. Crawford continued. "I was very disappointed to miss the funeral last year."

Gilbert nodded and took the photo from him. He felt on the verge of tears as he looked over the details of the big white house in the background and maple tree shading the scene. It was the happy family he never got to experience. 

"Listen, Gilbert, your dad was a good friend to me, so if you ever need anything, I work at the university," John said, pulling out his business card. 

Gilbert took the card without looking at it but said, "Thanks."

Dr. Crawford touched his shoulder and said, "I mean it, Gilbert. If you need anything, please call."

Gilbert nodded, and Dr. Crawford returned to the party. 

Gilbert stood on the balcony for several minutes looking at the photo of his family, as if frozen. He knew the picture was meant to be a gift, but he could not help feeling as though it only added to the day's pain. He felt pain and anger building inside of him as he looked over the bay.

As he put the picture back into his pocket, he found the business card Dr. Crawford gave him. 

James D. Crawford, PhD

Psychologist and Licenses Counselor

Redmond University, Student Services

Gilbert was pulled from his thoughts by a gentle hand on his shoulder. He jumped at the contact and turned to see Anne standing beside him with big eyes.

"Hey," she said in a gentle voice. "I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied curtly, turning away from her to face the bay. "What are you doing out here?"

"I came out here to see you," she replied. "I thought you weren't coming tonight."

"I came to help Jonah."

"Jonah? Why did Jonah need help?"

"Have you met Phillipa?" he said sarcastically.

"Yeah," Anne replied, nodding with understanding. "She can be a bit much sometimes. They seem happy, though."

He looked back at Jonah and Phillipa, just as Jonah leaned in to kiss Phillipa.

Gilbert huff, and said under his breath, "He better make sure I get an A."

"What's that?" Anne asked.

"Nothing," Gilbert finally looking at Anne again. "You better get back to your date. I don't think he would like to see you with me."

"Roy is fine," Anne replied with a careless wave of her hand. "He and his brother are debating something about a game."

Hearing Anne say Roy's name so casually stirred something in Gilbert, and before he could stop himself, he said, "Won't he get jealous if he found out his girlfriend was fraternizing with her lover at his parent's precious party?"

Anne took a defensive stance and said, "What does that mean?"

Realizing his harsh words and determining that he was not in the mood to get into things with Anne, he back peddled and said, "Look, Anne, I've had a shit day, and I really don't need to see you getting cozy with boy wonder over there."

Anne's eyes turned from defensive to compassion, "Gilbert, this is not like you. Are you okay?"

Gilbert shook his head in response to her question. He was not okay, and she would have known that if she understood how it felt seeing her with Roy.

He looked at her kind eyes, and he felt his anger building inside him again. "Why did you call me the other day?"

"What?" She said, taken back by his response. Then her cheeks flushed, almost as if embarrassment had washed over her features. "I don't know why I called you. I guess I wanted to feel normal or something."

Realizing he may have hit a nerve with her, he pushed further, "You know what I think. I think you called to make sure that I would not ruin your perfect night with Gardner."

She shook her head in defense, "What? No, I-I didn't even think about-,"

"You didn't want me here to make a scene and ruin things for you."

"No, I swear that is not why-,"

"Have you told him about us?"

"What?"

"I just thought since you are here with him, he was cool you sleeping around on him."

Anne's face flushed with embarrassment and brought her finger to her lips in an attempt for him to get his voice down. She grabbed his arm and pulled him further away from the open door to the party.

"He knows that I am not a virgin," Anne replied with hushed anger and continued in a whisper, "but I don't think he needs to know the details."

"So, he doesn't know you fucked me in the bathroom at the Wall?" he spat.

Anne's cheeks flushed, and she shook her head in reply but looking around to make sure no one was listening. "I don't think he needs to know about that."

"What about orchard slope, because according to my sources, you two have been dating since December."

Anne crossed her arms and looked at him. He could see that she, too, was starting to lose her temper. "Why are you doing this, Gilbert? Are you trying to hurt me?"

"I'm just trying to point out that I may not be the one who is untrustworthy," Gilbert replied. 

He watched as she took in his words. 

Gilbert turned back to the party and watched as Roy talked animatedly with the Dean of Admission.

"I got to hand it to you through Carrots. He is dreamy," Gilbert said and turned back to Anne. "The thing is, I never pegged you for the girls who would use a guy for his money."

"I am not with Roy for his money, you know that Gilbert," Anne replied, and he could see the tears forming in her eye. "If you really believe that, then we really don't have anything else to say to each other."

"Really from where I am standing. You are using me for a good lay and him for his connections."

Anne's face turned red from anger, and before he knew what happened, her hand hit his cheek with an audible smacking sound. He did not come back to his senses until he heard the click of her heels leaving the balcony. 

Feeling the tingle of pain on his cheek and his heart was still pounding in his chest, he signed with frustration. He knew he should be regretting his words. He should have left when he had the chance earlier, but he was angry. 

He was angry at his father for leaving him alone when he needed him. He was angry at Mrs. Avery-Gardner for making him stand up in front of everyone. He was angry at his professor for giving him a C- on his paper. He was angry at Jonah for making him come here tonight. And, he was angry at Anne for. . .for what? For toying with emotion. For coming to the reception with Roy. For not choosing him.

No, he angry because it was him who blew it with Anne in the first place. He hated that she was perfect, and kind, and everything he did not deserve. Even when he first met her in their youth, he was sure they were made for each other.

All through high school, he could name her favorite song and her favorite coffee. Even from afar, he could tell she was uncomfortable when she would tuck her behind her ear or that she would wrinkle her nose when she thought something was really funning. He hated that he knew everything about her.

He tried to forget her, but even a year on the other side of the world was not enough distance to forget her. Now, with everything they had been through, he realized that maybe they were not right for each other. He knew he loved her, but he could not figure out how to tell her or stop hurting her.

Pulling out his parents' picture again reminded him that he was not the man they wanted either. He was a poor excuse for man, and he had just ruined what reconciliation he could have made with Anne. 

\--

Anne walked through the reception hall quickly. Her hands shaking with emotion, and tears threatening to spill over. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Roy's mom making her way over, and she knew she could not face her with her emotions too raw. Pretending to not see her, she made her way out of the reception hall and found herself in the hotel lobby.

"Anne?"

She turned and found Roy looking at her. His kind eyes looking at her with compassion. Deciding to prove Gilbert wrong, she walked over to Roy and kissed him hard. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer into a passionate kiss.

Pulling back slightly, she said, "Let's get out of here."


	10. An Attribute of Violets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see note at the beginning of chapter 8

"We can't just leave," Roy replied, still holding her. "The party is not over."

Frustrated, Anne tried a new tactic. Bringing her lips to the exposed skin below his ear, she whispers, "You know almost everyone in that room, and I have met most of them too."

Pushing further, she moved her lips to his earlobe and gently pulled, adding, "I'd rather be alone with you."

Roy groaned and pulled away, saying, "I can't drive, I've had a couple glasses of champagne."

She knew he was trying hard to resist her because his hands traveled along her bareback and slipped his fingers under the fabric of her dress, ever so slightly grazing the hidden skin.

Looking into his eyes, she gently released his bow tie from its knot and unbutton the top button of his shirt. She said, "I think I saw your parent's town car waiting at the entrance." 

Roy kissed her again, grabbed her hand, and walked to the entrance. She was not exactly sure how she managed to convince him or how he could talk the driver into driving them to his apartment, but the next thing she knew, they were in the back seat of his parent's town car headed through town.

The drive to Roy's apartment seemed to drag on. Her nerves were threatening to take over, but she was determined to see this through. Her leg shook with anticipation, and her hands felt clammy. Her mind was racing, her conversation with Gilbert coursing through her thoughts. 

Anne tried to force them out of her mind by running her hand along Roy's thigh and leaning into him to kissing his newly exposed neck. Roy responded by kissing her deeply. Needing more contact to stop her thoughts from taking over, she released her seatbelt and attempted to move onto his lap.

"Anne," Roy murmured, looking up at the driver. "Not here. We are almost to my house."

Feeling slightly defeated, Anne returned to her seat, but Roy did not leave her completely unwanted. He brought his hand behind her back and again ran his fingers beneath the fabric to touch the bare skin. She focused on his touch so that her mind would not travel too far.

She was thankful when they reach Roy's apartment because as soon as his hand touches her again, she forgot about Gilbert. They barely made it up the stairs before he pushed her against the door of his apartment and kissed her hard. She could feel his erection press against her stomach. Anne let out a whimper when he pulled away to find his keys. 

As soon as he opened the door to his apartment, he scooped her up into his arms. 

Anne let out a yelp of surprise as he carried her into his bedroom and sat her down on his bed. Roy stepped back and discarded his coat and unbuttoned his shirt. His bow tie was long ago removed in the town car. 

Anne kicked off her heels and sat moved up to her knee on the bed. Her shaking hands found the hem of his shirt and pushed it off his shoulder. Roy kissed her again, running his tongue along her lips, begging for acceptance. 

Anne did not care that her breath smelled of calamari and alcohol, and from the groan, he made when she allowed the kiss to deepen, she knew he did not care either. 

The next thing she knew, she felt his hand reach up to the button at the nape of her neck. He released the button, and her dress loosened around her shoulders. With a simple pull on the straps, the dress fell to the bed. She felt the cold air of the room hit her skin, and she had to actively stop her arms from covering herself. Instead, she busied herself by untangling her legs from her dress.

Standing in front of Roy, in only her panties, she felt raw and exposed. 

She had to stop her mind from drifting to when she was with Gilbert at Orchard Slope. Did she feel this exposed with him? Preventing her mind from traveling to that night, she reached for Roy's belt, and with one swift movement, she released the leather clasp. Roy reached down and removed his slacks. 

"I've never seen you so keen, Anne," Roy said. Anne smiled, but she felt shy. "Not that I am complaining because this is hot."

She pulled away slightly, wondering if she should let this continue. It was just this morning that she had decided to end things with Roy. But then she thought about Gilbert's accusations and how they made her feel disingenuous and manipulative. Roy deserved better. 

"Come here," Anne said, as she pulled Roy closer to her. "I am ready."

Leaning back on the bed, Roy drifted over her and settled in the cradle of her legs. Their kisses suddenly went from fast and hard to warm and gentle. She did know which she preferred. She needed the heat to keep her from thinking too hard. 

When Roy suddenly pulled away and got off the bed, she felt shocked. 

Looking at him move to the bedside table, he removed his watch and turned on the light.

"What are you doing?" she asked, feeling frustrated by the loss of contact.

Roy opened the bedside table, "I'm getting a condom."

Anne looked at him in surprise, "I'm on birth control."

"I know, but I just want to be sure," Roy said with a kind smile. "What about STDs?"

Anne blushed with embarrassment, and Roy opened the condom. She watched as he removed his boxers and put the condom on. 

Condoms were the one thing she never used with Gilbert. How could she have been so stupid? She did not know who else he had been with, and she was not even sure he knew she was on birth control. They had been reckless.

Again, she pushed Gilbert from her mind as Roy came back to her. 

Reaching down, he pulled her panties over her hips and down her legs. Leaning over her, he kissed her gently.

"Are you sure?" Roy asked as he brought his erection to her entrance. 

She hated that he was making her think about what she wanted. She wanted to get this over with to prove to herself that she was not a terrible person. She needed to make sure that Gilbert's words were not valid. 

"Yes," she said as she pushed her hips up to him. 

Roy kissed her again, and she closed her eyes as he slowly entered her. 

The sensation felt foreign as if her body wanted to resist. She could not keep kissing him. She had to pull her lips away from his and look somewhere else. He did not seem to notice her resistance. He buried his face in her neck and began to move. He let out a groan with each thrust. 

Roy's hands traveling along her body. His lips traveling down to her breast while his hand fondled her other breast. Anne looked up at the textured ceiling and thought about how this was so different from what she expected. 

It was not that it did not feel good, his movements were meeting the ache her body felt, but they were not enough. It was almost as if her body felt muted.

After several long minutes, she looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. She wondered how long they had been there. She questioned if she was making enough noise and let out a small moan for good measure. Unfortunately, as soon as the sound came out of her mouth, she realized it was completely fake.

Roy looked up at her and said, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, of course," Anne lied.

Looking over her features, he ran his hand along her jaw. Sitting up slightly, he brought his fingers to her core. She let out a gasp as he ran his finger along her clitoris. Still moving steadily inside her, he continues to stroke her sensitive nub, and she began to feel her body respond. 

She had heard from her friends that many girls needed clitoris stimulation during sex, but it was something she never needed with Gilbert.

 _Stop!_ she thought. _Stop thinking about Gilbert. You are with Roy._

Vowing to push all thoughts of Gilbert Blythe from her mind. She let the warm sensation of Roy's ministrations wash over her body. Soon she was moaning from pleasure, and the next thing she knew, her orgasm hit her was a wave of pleasure, and her mind thought of hazel eyes. 

Roy groaned above her and breathed into her ear, "You are so tight."

His hot breath on her ear brought her back to reality. She twitched at the uncomfortable feeling of his breath in her ear. She pulled his head up, so he would stop breathing in her ear. 

Pausing, she looked up into the dark brown eyes as he let out a groan and pushed into her hard. She knew he had finished when he collapsed on top of her. 

Both breathing hard, Roy buried his face in her neck, and Anne looked up at the textured ceiling again. After several long minutes, Roy sat up and looked at her with his kind melancholy eyes and smiled.

"That was great," he said.

Anne smiled and hummed a response that she hoped he would take as agreement. 

The next thing she knew, Roy was getting out of the bed. She had thought he would stay and hold her longer. She needed the contact to stop herself from overthinking. She watched as Roy picked up his boxers make his way to the attached bathroom.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she instinctively moved the blanket over her newly exposed body. 

"I'm going to clean up," he replied as he disappeared into the bathroom.

Anne looked blankly at the empty doorway where he once stood. She felt uncomfortable, as she did not know if she should dress too. She sat up and looked around the room for her panties. She found them on the floor next to the bedside table. Stepping into them, she looked for her dress on the floor. Was he expecting her to spend the night? Was she supposed to dress too?

As she was picking up her dress, Roy returned to the room. 

"Do you want to stay?" he asked.

"If you want," Anne replied. 

"Of course," Roy replied. "I just thought after the other night, you might want to go home."

Anne blushed with embarrassment. She wanted to go home but felt the need to prove that her relationship with Roy was real, and real couples sleep together.

"Yes. I want to stay," Anne said, resting her hand on his bare chest.

Roy smiled and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. Then he walked to his dresser and pulled out two shirts.

"Here," he said, handing her the shirt one and slipping the other over his shoulder.

She looked at him, confused.

"I figure you wouldn't want to sleep in your dress," Roy said, as he pulled the sheets down and laid down in the bed.

Anne looked at the shirt and pulled it overhead. In truth, she thought they would lay in bed naked together, holding each other basking in the euphoria of their lovemaking. But that was just it. They did not make love. It was just sex. Even to her, it was something to prove she not a bad person. Nevertheless, sleeping with clothes seemed so odd, after what they had just done.

Moving to the bed, she pulled the covers over her body. Roy leaned over and kissed her again and wrapped his arms around her. 

"Good night, my sweet," he whispered. "Thank you for tonight; it was amazing."

Anne did not respond but lay with one arm over her head. As she watched the moonlight move over the ceiling and listened to the cars driving along the road outside, she felt Roy's body relax, and his arm twitch around her. She knew he was asleep when his breaths became steady on her neck. 

She longed to go home, not to her dorm room, but the white bedroom on the east side of Green Gables. She missed her quilt and her dream catchers and the small pillow that read, "Anne of Green Gables."

This was not where she thought this night would go. She had never intended to spend another night in this room. Anne felt as if there was a cauldron of emotions in her stomach. She thought about the last time she felt regret, embarrassment, and shame making havoc in her system, and it was in this very bed. 

It was almost a week ago, the night she met Roy's parents. As she laid in bed, she relived the night in her head. 

_They had a lovely dinner, and she knew she made an impression on his parents. They were kind and endearing and almost as charming as their son. Anne immensely enjoying Roy's sister. Almost instantly, Anne found a true friend in her and thought being with Roy meant she could enjoy his family too._

_That night, she thought she could make things work with Roy, even after everything with Gilbert. In fact, she intended to come clean to Roy that night, so it seemed the perfect opportunity when he asked her back to his apartment that night._

_Unfortunately, she could not bring herself to tell him the truth. His charm seduced her, and she found herself in his bed for the first time._

_They were making out, and he brought her hand to his groan. Although surprised by his action, she let him take control. Soon she found herself giving him a hand job as he groaned into her ear._

_While she knew he was enjoying her ministration, it seemed to take forever. Her hand became tired, and she wondered if it would ruin the mood to switch hands. Finally, he groaned again and came all over her hand._

_She did not like the feel of him and wondered idly if he would try to return the favor. When he reached for the button of her jeans, she pushed his hand away. While the thought of an orgasm was appealing, she did not like the idea of getting worked up with cum on her hand._

_Like tonight, he got out of bed quickly to "clean up," leaving her feeling vulnerable. She wanted to hideaway. When he returned, she decided to sneak into the bathroom to gather herself._

_Upon returning to the bedroom, she found him lying comfortably in the bed waiting for her. They decided to watch a movie, and he fell asleep halfway through. She could not focus on the film. All she could think about was what she had just done with Roy. It made her feel dirty, and she felt like she could not get the feeling of his cum off her hand. Retreating to the bathroom again to wash her hands, she sat down on the cold bathroom floor and cried._

_She wanted to feel safe and warm, and the first thing that came to her mind was Gilbert. Without really thinking about it, Anne pulled out her phone and called him. She knew it was late, and he was probably asleep, but the thought of hearing his voice, even on his message, would be enough._

_Then he answered, and when he said her name, she felt herself calm down. She pictured his lips forming the sounds, and she knew that it was precisely what she needed. She talked quietly, so Roy would not wake up and turned on the bathroom fan in hopes it would muffle her voice._

_She did not want to talk about the issues between them; she wanted to hear him laugh, so she could be carefree for one moment. He obliged, and in turn, made her feel safe. He was her safe place. For a moment, she was not in Roy's apartment wishing to be somewhere else. She was the schoolgirl, innocent and free._

_When Roy's roommate returned home, making a ruckus, she knew their time was up. She ended the call before Roy could catch her._

_She knew she could not say there anymore. Unfortunately, she also knew that her only way home was Roy. She woke him quietly and asked him to take her back to her dorm. She did not tell him why, but it was clear something had changed between them._

_Over the next few nights, Anne could not allow herself to see a future with Roy, not after what happened that night._

_The morning of the reception, she looked at the flowers sitting on her dresser. The roses died a week after her birthday, but the wildflowers were still sitting there begging her to call Gilbert. Looking at the violet at the center of the bouquet, she realized that maybe she could trust him. She remembered telling the Story Club that she wanted a man who had violet attributes: affection, modesty, faith, nobility, intuition, and dignity._

_Looking back now, she felt silly that she could compare a man to a flower. It did not matter that he broke her heart. He was the person she needed when she was scare and lonely and in need of a friend._

_But she knew she could not pursue anything with Gilbert until she ended her relationship with Roy. She could not hide what she had done with Gilbert but was torn about telling him the truth._

_Unfortunately, she knew the Avery reception was a big deal for the Gardner family. Roy was expected to be a perfect gentleman and show the guest and his parents that he was up to his family's standards. Their breakup would cause unnecessary friction for the family, and she longed to maintain a relationship with his family. Therefore, she decided that she would wait until after the reception._

Now lying in bed next to Roy, she knew she made a mess of things. She could not sneak back into the bathroom for a cry or call Gilbert tonight, and she knew she could not wake Roy to take her home. This was a mess, and she was going to live in it. She learned there was a difference between fantasy and reality. She could not live in the illusion of her Story Club days. She had to live in truth. A relationship with Gilbert was a fantasy. Roy was a reality. 

After a long time of wrestling with her thoughts, she finally fell asleep. 

That night she dreamed of the Avonlea fields, the old schoolhouse, and hazel eyes.


End file.
